stranger things (elmax) oneshots

delicate

content warning: angsty chapter, mentions of sh and suicide. please feel free to skip this one shot if any of that is triggering for you.

max's pov:

I sat in the bathroom at school after my counselling session. I hate counselling so much, I wish I didn't have to do it. I don't think they realise it's more triggering to be forced to talk about everything that's wrong with me than it is to ignore my feelings all together. I wish El was here. She's still not allowed to come to school, Hopper home schools her. She says it's nice, but it's awful having to go through school without my girlfriend. Not to mention, the party feels wrong without her. The boys spend all their time at their stupid dnd hellfire shit club thing, leaving me with no choice but to either be on my own all day, or sit in on their stupid games. I'm not welcome at basketball practice when Lucas is there instead of hellfire either. Jason has weird beef with me over my dead step-brother, and I don't think El would appreciate me spending my free time watching Lucas be shirtless and sweaty given our history.

So I sat in the bathroom watching blood run down my arms. Nobody has noticed yet, which is lucky, because El has gotten very close to seeing when we have sex. I just tell her I want to leave my shirt on because I'm cold or insecure or some shit. I wish I could give her the same excitement she gives me in those moments. 

I suddenly realised I was supposed to meet the party at hellfire. As stupid and oblivious as those boys are, they know I have shit wrong with me. If I'm too late they'll start to worry. I quickly cleaned my cuts. They don't sting like they used to. I took a couple band-aids from my bag and covered them, just in case they kept bleeding, and ran to hellfire.

'Well well well, little red is late.' Eddie said. I fucking hate Eddie sometimes.

'Counselling ran over, keep playing.' I said bluntly and sat down at the small table the boys set out for me. Dustin gave me a sweet grin and I smiled back as I took out some homework that needed doing.

I could hardly focus as the club rambled on about a vecna or something stupid. I prayed for the end of the day. The final bell that meant I could leave this hell hole and see my girlfriend.

'Another miss Henderson.'

'Unlucky Dustin.' I heard Will comfort before he was interrupted by that oh so sweet bell.

'Well, I'm going to El's house. Bye nerds.'

'Bye Max!' the boys smiled. As annoying as they are, there is a part of me that really does love them. I kissed all four of my boys on the cheek and waved goodbye to the others as I exited the dim room, hopped on my skateboard, and rode it all the way to my girlfriends cabin.

I knocked on the door, tugging my sleeves down past my hands.

'Max!' my beautiful girlfriend exclaimed as she opened the door.

'Hey gorgeous.' I smiled and she kissed me passionately immediately. 'Woah, what did I do to deserve that?' I chuckled.

'Just exist. I missed you today.'

'I miss you everyday.'

'-and then he sort of mentioned a "big day" with Joyce so I think he might propose!' ... 'Max? Max are you listening?'

'Huh?' I stupidly replied. I'd been too preoccupied playing with my sleeves and planning my own death to actually pay attention to what El had been saying. Her face dropped, and I suddenly felt really bad. 'Sorry baby. I just have a lot on my mind right now.'

'Like what?' El began interrogating.

'Like counselling stuff angel.'

'How is counselling going? Is it working? Are you keeping on top of your techniques?'

'I'm trying. It's just tough. I don't wanna spend an hour a day telling someone I know nothing about everything that has ever gone wrong in my life and how it made me feel, you know?' El looked upset. 'I'm sorry beautiful, did I say something wrong?'

'No no not at all, don't worry. I just... I wish you could be happy.'

'I am when I'm with you.'

'But you're not! You're never happy!'

'Woah El. It's not like I can control everything that's happened.'

'But you're not trying to get over it!'

'I'm trying my best.'

'You're not trying enough! I'm sick and tired of it Max! You flinch when I touch you, you won't ever take your shirt off when we have sex, you never smile without me telling you to, it's like my Max is dead or something!'

'Your Max?'

'The Max I fell in love with!!!'

'So you don't love me?'

'That's not what I said-'

'But it is. Well, I'll just go then.' I got up and picked up my bag.

'Max wait-'

'WHAT EL??? WHAT???'

'I didn't mean to upset you. It's just hard to see you in so much pain. You're so delicate.' She reached her hand up to my face and brushed away my tears that were spilling from my eyes.

'I'm sorry for yelling, and acting different.'

'I know you are.' She said as she kissed my forehead softly. 'You're so pretty.' She pulled me onto the bed and kissed me softly. I kissed back, but when she tried to take off my hoodie, I froze. 'Max... what are those?'

'Skateboarding accident.'

'No that's not. I've seen your skateboarding grazes.'

'Uh'

'Max are you... cutting yourself..?'

'Yeah.'

'Oh.'

We sat in silence for what felt like forever, before I finally spoke.

'I'm sorry. It just makes it easier. It makes me want to.. die.. less.. I guess...'

'Don't be sorry.' I felt her pull me closer.

'What are you doing?'

'We're gonna clean and dress these properly. Dad taught me how in case I hurt myself while he was at work.' She left the room and returned quickly with a medical kit. 'Hoodie fully off please.' I did as she asked, but I was wearing a long sleeved shirt. 'Could you roll up your shirt please darling?' I once again did as she asked as she sat next to me and started to clean my arms.

'Thanks beautiful.' I smiled. She smiled back and kissed me gently.

'You smiled.'

'Like I said, you make me happy.'