Spider Monkey

Chapter Forty - Two - Talk

Rick found Carl laying on top of a bed, fully clothed and looking up at the ceiling in distress. "Hey. I guess you heard about Hedley's outburst."

"I caused it."

"You did?" Rick frowned, sitting at the foot of the bed, "What happened?"

"I did something I regret."

"We all do things we regret. The important thing is to learn from it."

Carl sighed, sitting up, "Mikey - one of the teens that live here - asked if me and Hedley were together because we were holding hands."

Carl didn't continue so Rick encouraged, "And?"

"I don't know why but I snatched my hand away from his grip. The look on his face- Dad, he's -" Carl's throat croaked, and he looked down at his hands, "Is it wrong to hold hands with a friend who's a guy?"

"No." Rick said, shaking his head, "You've always done it. It comforts him, and you. It doesn't have to mean anything more."

The boy took a pause to bite his lip in thought, then said, "There was a girl there - Enid. A girl my age. I'm supposed to act like - I know what I should feel. But I don't. All I kept thinking was-" He sighed in defeat, words not coming, "I don't know."

Rick put a hand on his son's shoulder, making him look up, "Carl, if you have feelings for Hedley - the way you - Quote, unquote - 'should' feel for girls... that's okay."

"I know that's okay. I know what gay is, dad. It's just- I'm confused or I've made myself confused."

"How?"

"Before this, before Alexandria, it was just us. Our little world. Our family. It was just me and Hedley. We held hands and it didn't mean all these things. It was just... just. But now... I felt under pressure for the first time, about how to act and be. Like what it was in the old world. I like it here. I like the people. But they're weak -they still act as if the world hasn't changed. And I don't want us to get like that, too."

Rick brought Carl into a hug, patting him on the back, "I'm proud of you." He said, pulling back but keeping his hands on Carl's shoulders, "And I promise, us - our family- only sees you as you. No one else. There's no pressure to be someone else. Okay?"

Carl nodded, a small smile on his lips, "Okay, dad."

****

Hedley went over to see Carl on the porch, Judith in his lap.

It has been hours since the meltdown at Ron's house and Hedley was calm and a little embarrassed, his crossbow over his back. He already had a note in his hand and gave it to Carl.

Carl read it. 'I'm sorry :('

"You have nothing to be sorry for." Carl placed Judith on the floor with her toys then stepped in front of his friend, "I'm the one who should be sorry. I did something stupid because for some reason I was afraid of what other people think. It was shallow. I am sorry, Hedley. You are my best friend and I never want you to feel like I don't appreciate you. You give me as much comfort as I give you. You make me laugh and give me gifts and show me new ways to be strong. You saved my sister." Carl chuckled breathlessly, reaching out for Hedley's hand. The other boy hesitantly grabbed it, unsure. "I like holding your hand. I like your hugs and when we sleep in the same quilt. I don't care what anyone else thinks. I just want you and me to stick together. Have each other's backs. Okay?"

Hedley's eyes were wet, hearing the speech. He nodded happily, rocking on his toes and making excitedly hums.

Carl hugged him and only just realised that Hedley has had a growth spurt, now taller and bulkier then himself. It made him chuckle.

Then something even more wholesome happened.

Hedley spoke again. "C-Ca- Carl."

Carl's eyes went wide, a giant smile on his face, "Did you just say my name? Holy- You just said my name! Yes! I knew you could do it!"

The two boys hugged again, laughing away, feeling lighter than they had in a long time.

"You two finally made up?" Rick said, coming out of the house with Daryl, Merle, Carol and Michonne behind him. All smiling at the two.

"Hedley just said my name!" Carl announced, excited, turning his friend around to face the adults, "Say it again! You can do it!"

"C-Carl."

The adults cheered and Merle slapped his nephew on the back with a bellow. "Good job, kid!"

At that moment, Judith whined, unhappy that the attention wasn't on her.

Rick picked her up while Daryl ruffled Hedley's head.

It was nice to feel peace for just a moment.