bahala na | ✓

107

"Are you going?" I asked Paul.

Lay is inside, getting nervous even though I didn't yet make a move.

"I'll be with you." He answered.

Binuga n'ya 'yung usok galing sa vape n'ya pagkatapos ay lumingon sa may venue. He laughed that's why I looked at it there, too. Lay was there, pouting while looking at us.

"I should go back inside already. Talk to her, Jun." He said.

"What for?" I asked.

"For the unanswered questions. I know you were hurt when she—"

"She ghosted me."

Paul chuckled and nodded. "I'll go now." He said and tapped my shoulder.

I watched him walk towards my love, who was still pouting. When he reached Lay, he kissed her on her forehead and pointed at me. I smiled at them. She pouted at Paul before walking towards me.

"Hi," I greeted.

She smiled. "Hello." She greeted back.

"What are we going to do?" I asked.

Her smile didn't reach her eyes. "Let's talk," she answered.

I nodded and looked for a place where we can talk peacefully. I looked at her when I found a place and reached for her hand.

"Shi naman, e!" She said making me confused.

"Bakit? Wala pa akong ginagawa, Lay." Sagot ko.

"Pinapaiyak mo na ako!" Sabi n'ya.

Natawa na lang ako at saka hinawakan ang kamay n'ya. Nang makaupo kami pareho ay bumuntonghininga ako.

"Zae once was a good partner." She started. "He never leave my side when you weren't there with me, he never let me feel that I'm alone, he always assure me. . . shower me with sweet words I've never heard, hugged me tight like you always do, kiss me when I'm shaking and scared. . . I felt safe around him, Shi."

"I know," I answered. I've witnessed it before.

"Pero alam mo, Shi, before he became a good partner, he was my best friend. . . our best friend. The man who I only trust besides you and Paul. I'm familiar with New York, but I was scared alone, that's why he was there." She chuckled. "Making sure I am safe like you told him."

I didn't talk. My heart is throbbing. My chest feels heavy already, but I should manage this one. I want to know what's the truth. . . What's the reason why she ghosted me?

"He confessed to me, two months after I left the Philippines and you. He told me he loves more than friends." She sighs, "I told him that I don't feel the same way because I like someone else."

"Your crush," I chuckled.

She chuckled and nodded. "And that someone else was you. The person I like and love is you, Shi." I looked at the sky and smiled sadly. "He understood it, but he pursued me. . . He let things work for us, and when it worked he was the happiest."

I closed my eyes when I felt my eyes getting hot.

"I was happy, but not the happiest because I felt I betrayed you."

You did. But, I was never mad.

"And after a month being together when I don't want to block you. . . he started hurting me, that's why I chose to ignore all your messages because he's monitoring me." She sobbed making me gulp. "He will cup my cheeks harshly and will slap me hard making my lips bleed."

Tangina mo, Zae. Hayop ka.

"And I was scared. . . I was screaming your name, hoping you'll hear it." She chuckled. "It was a stupid move. He continued hurting me until I was transferred into another condominium building because of my parents. . . that's when I ended things between us."

"Lay." I swallowed hard.

"Whoa, nag-iiyakan na tayo rito." She laughed. "Dapat walang iyakan, e. Si Shi kasi, iyakin." Nang-asar pa. "Siguro, God made a way for me to be away from him, 'no? Thanks to my parents siguro."

"If they didn't do that. . . you're not here with me," I whispered and opened my eyes to look at her.

"And you'll be alone. You don't have a love life, 'di ba?" She wiggled her eyebrows.

I chuckled and nodded. I sighed. "Lay. . . If someone asks you, "who is Jushi in your life?" what would be your answer?"

Lay shrugged and sighed heavily, and looked at me straight into my eyes.

"Someone I hate."

My forehead creased and put my lips together. I am confused about her answer.

"Because?"

Lay chuckled and flashed a bright smile that reached her beautiful eyes. A bright smile that I saw again after a year of being away from her. Her eyes are getting red because of the tears building up in her eyes.

"Because of love."

"Love," I repeated.

She nodded. "How about you, Jushi? If someone asks you, "who is Lay in your life?" what would be your answer?"

I smiled like an idiot.

"Someone I like."

She smiled. A downward smile.

"But, what if she doesn't like you?"

I pursed my lips and looked away. Bahala na.

"Hmm, bahala na."

Kung gusto n'ya ang iba, wala naman akong magagawa roon. Hindi ko naman hawak puso n'ya.

"What if she loves someone? And that someone she loves is you, that's why she doesn't like you."