finding permanence

27: Sam

"You took the wrong turn." Max and I haven't said anything since leaving the stadium and getting in the car.

"No, I didn't," he claims.

"Yes, you did," I huff. "You're supposed take a left at that light to get to my apartment and you just took a right."

"That's correct. But we aren't going to your apartment."

I give him an 'are you kidding me' look, "Max, I just want to burrito myself in blankets, put on my noise cancelling headphones and dissociate for the rest of the day."

"You can do all of the dissociating you want after we get ice cream. I figured that our bet wasn't fair. Obviously, I was going to win."

I don't have any response, so I just nod and look out the window.

Max is so clearly struggling with the right things to say or if he should say anything at all. I'm glad he hasn't mentioned it yet though because I need time to marinate in everything.

~

"Do you want to talk about?" Max's voice cuts through my thoughts. I grab the bag with our ice cream in it.

It's the first mention of the dump truck mess at the rink.

And now that we have made it back to my apartment, I feel less like screaming and destroying everything in sight and more like crawling in my bed and staying there for the foreseeable future.

"There's not much to talk about. You already know how I feel about her." It comes out snappy.

I take out my keys to unlock the front door. "Online might be a good place to start." My movements come to a still. "If you reach out to her there, it might be easier than face to face," he suggests.

"She doesn't deserve my time. I don't owe her anything." Opening the door I try to think of an excuse so that I can sulk on my own.

"Well, I don't owe Serena anything, but talking with her will give me some clarity. It might be helpful."

I spin around, "Our situations are not the same thing. A stupid, clout obsessed sorority girl cheated on you. My mom abandoned me."

"I'm not saying that they're the same, Sam," his voice stays calm. "I'm just saying that it might help you heal. This situation with your birth mom has a hold on you. It's effecting you in a negative way and getting some answers might be of benefit."

I know he's just trying to help, but I'll talk to Anna when I'm ready. "I already told you, I need more time."

Max slowly lifts his arms to set his hands on my shoulders. Massaging them slowly and releasing tension I've been holding; I melt into him. "I don't think this is something you'll ever really be ready for. I think it's a 'rip the Band-Aid off' type thing."

I nod and drop my head onto the center of his chest. I know he's right. "Will you help me think of something to say?"

When I look up he's wearing a soft smile, "Of course I will." He reaches for my hand and leads me to the couch. "Let me grab spoons."

As he rushes to the kitchen, I pull out my phone and open my social media account. I don't have to search for her profile because I've stalked it on multiple occasions and it's on my recently viewed.

She looks happy. A rush of emotions runs through me as I take in the little boxes on my screen displaying pictures of her smiling. Pictures of her at the beach, at restaurants, with her new boyfriend.