Vows of Misfortune

10.

My mum was bawling her eyes out. I sighed for the twentieth time that day, shuffling around and adjusting the silk layer of my plain white lehenga. I didn't want to wear a dress because it reminded me too much of my wedding with—

No. Stop.

I shook my head and wrapped an arm around my mum's shoulders. She wasn't even dolled up that much. Her hair was in a normal bun and she wore a plain, pink saree. No one was feeling in the mood to celebrate much especially not in the small hall filled with only a few relatives.

"Mum," I whispered, shaking her shoulder a little, "why're you crying? I'm getting married."

"This isn't what I wanted for you. I...I when I asked for you to get married to an Indian man I dreamt bigger. I just want you to be happy."

"I will be happy, mum. Stop worrying about me so much, I'll be fine." 

But I wasn't so sure. The hall was stuffy and the only fan that was working was the one overhead us. I blew out a breath and watched Romir shift on his good leg, wearing just a plain white shirt and black pants. I could see the slight outline of his prosthetic brace from the pant of his left leg.

It was a decent enough occasion but not one to be celebrating much. His uncle - Jose - my parents and my aunty and uncle all had grave faces forced into smiles. I guess they knew as much as I did that we weren't exactly thrilled about the marriage ourselves.

The ceremony was short and simple. A few 'I do's and a few minutes of silence of us registering ourselves as a married couple and we were off. There were no photographers or videographers or drones this time. No row of cars or even a crowd of people watching us.

It was just us. And that made the reality of my life sink in even further. This was not the kind of wedding to be boasting about. "Where's Anjali?" I heard a woman ask as we walked past.

"I feel bad for the groom. A handsome man stuck with a woman from a family like hers." I stiffened. Who the fuck invited them? I turned my head and shot them a glare that made them look at each other with wide eyes.

Maybe the reaction was harsh, but still. Couldn't I get some peace and quiet today either? Unwanted as this marriage was, it was still a wedding ceremony. 

A small white Mazda car decorated with pink and white flowers on the hood hastily sat waiting for us right outside.

I hugged my mum tightly, my body trembling. This wasn't how I'd pictured my life as a wife to go. "I'm so sorry," I mumbled in the crook of her shoulder.

"No, I'm sorry," she said back, choking on her tears. She sniffled and placed kisses all over my sweaty, makeup-worn face. "I love you."

"You make it sound like this is goodbye, guys," I said, looking between my parents who were both red-faced. "We're just going back to the house. We'll see you in a few minutes."

They chuckled and my dad squeezed the corner of his eyes with his thumb and forefingers, getting rid of the water that leaked out. I knew what they were emotional about, though. They wanted more for me. They didn't anticipate this as much as I did.

But it is what it is and I had to deal with it.

Jose uncle was being driven in another car unfortunately so that meant no breaking the awkward silence that was sure to be a part of our lives now. I climbed in, watching as Romir walked over to my dad and my mum and shook their hands. They were all so awkward. Neither of them, not even Romir, looked like they wanted to be there.

He climbed in beside me, leaving a large space in the middle. Thank God. As the car rumbled away, I stuck to watching the scenery outside. I didn't know what the plan was. We'd go back to my aunty and uncle's house and stay there for tonight?