a series of [un]fortunate events || a wenclair collection [explicit]

13. too much emotion || too much trauma [explicit]

Content Warning

Depression | Mentions of Self-Harm and Suicide

Wednesday's POV

The world was too loud to me lately. It was like everything I ever knew or thought I knew was completely shattered right in front of me. For weeks, I kept thinking of Crackstone and Thornhill terrorizing the school, and potentially killing all of the students, including Enid... at first, I paid it no mind or even any attention and continued on with my day. But then the nightmares started again. I was sent back to when Crackstone stabbed me, and then when he shot me in the arm with the arrow. Only one thing traveled through my mind, and it was the thought of finally leaving this earth. My thoughts became jumbled, I was feeling too many things at once, and I could not handle it anymore. I wanted to die that day. I was tired of waking up every night in a cold sweat because of vivid nightmares due to my erratic visions. I could not sleep, so I would stay up for hours on end until my body gave up. And Enid... poor, poor Enid. She had enough to deal with, why did she need to be saddled with me any longer? I was not only becoming paranoid at everything around me, but I was pushing her away again. Everywhere I looked, I swore I saw Crackstone before looking down at my bloody stab wound and being jolted awake, day in and day out until I went utterly crazy, and not in the good way. I was self-harming again to try and distract myself from the constant hallucinations of Crackstone. I did not know what was going on anymore, what was real and what was fake. They wouldn't stop...

The nightmares constantly plagued my mind over and over again, they would flash from Crackstone, to Principal Weems being poisoned by Thornhill, then they would shift to Tyler changing into the Hyde, and ripping Enid and my family to shreds in front of me. But then, I would see myself being torn to pieces by Tyler, it was so vivid and real, that I sat upright and was so distraught, I fell out of my bed.

"Wha, wha's happened?? Willa, are you okay? Willa, talk to me! It's me, Enid!"

I pushed her away, it was too much emotion. 

This continued for days. I locked myself in my room, not sleeping, even when everything in me screamed to sleep. 

"Willa, please talk to me... I'm concerned and scared... please.."

I stayed silent. My arms burned badly, but I couldn't tell Enid what I was doing. Everytime I closed my eyes, I saw myself being killed over and over again, it was becoming unbearable...

"WEDNESDAY PLEASE."

Enid's voice cut through my thoughts abruptly, and I snapped, I did not mean to, I just... did...

"ENOUGH, ENID. I do not need you to fawn over me like some wounded animal! I just need to be left alone! Why can't you understand that?!"

I hated myself for what I said, and I would never forgive myself as I watched Enid say nothing and leave. Would I ever see her again? Would she want to see me after this? 

I stayed locked away in my room, and the thoughts creeped in. I had no motivation to work on my novel or play on my cello, I felt nothing, which was the norm for me, but it was a different kind of nothing. I stared at the empty space on the opposite side of my room. Enid barely came to check on me. I was alone again, and I despised it. I glanced at the open window, and for a second, I wanted to jump out of it. Who would even care at this point? I hated feeling so much now, I wished things could go back to before... I wish I never got enrolled in this Godforsaken school... I wish I never fucking existed...