Dear Black Girl, It's Gonna Be Ok

I'm Just Mute....Sorry

Growing up I was always a quite kid. I never really spoke up unless I was spoken to or if I needed or wanted something. Most times I hated being the quite kid, because when I wanted to speak out I was always shy and nervous to say anything. And plus nobody I was around in school wanted to talk to me.

I can remember one time while on a field trip at school I wanted to talk this girl to be cool with her, and she looked at me and went "lets play a game, you be quite the whole ride" and I just sat their and looked at her and she turned around and another girl across from us laughed and said why would she do that to me and she just shrugged her shoulders and went on with her conversation with the other girl the whole way there. I forgot her name but I think it started with a G or something. But wherever you are I hope you feel like shit when you hear about this. She went on about her time on the way to the trip ignoring my existence. I wasn't able to sit beside my friend at the time on the bus, so the only best thing that I could do was look out the window the whole time on the trip until I left off the bus and away from her dried up ass.

If your like me, and was the quite kid and endured the top 3 comments: "I didn't know you talk" "oh my god this is the first time I'm hearing your voice" "oh wow you sound like that when you speak" welcome to the 'Mouse Mute' party. Being quiet has some cons to them. When I over hear some tea being spilled I play like I'm minding my business (which I am technically) I will ear hustle in on your conversation if it gets too juicy for me to ignore. One of my biggest cons is if I overhear you talking about me, I would most likely have my earphones on to give off the illusion that I am listening to music, but really I'm listening to you revolve my world around you and everything that you do. If you really can't keep me and my beautiful name out of your mouth, then that's how I am gonna think the whole time, its pathetic, but what ever brings excitement to your bland life I guess. But if a friend of mines or somebody that hangs around that person comes up to me telling me what I over heard them say about me, then its this simple thing I tell them in return since we wanna play mail man, "if they're that bold to talk about me, be bold enough to say it to my face". Not to start drama, but its to tell who has the bark and bite, and who really only has the bark.

As I am writing the chapters in this book, I really am letting out some things that I've swept under my own personal rug. Some of these things I am opening up about, I've never told my therapist about. Some I have told them about, but really not to the extent of this. I am only doing this for the black girls that grew up the way I did but not exactly like how I did. Some of the black girls that I want to get a hold of this information that I am giving out for the free, learn from me. I am still juggling this thing called life, and its not easy as I want it to be. I am still manifesting what I want in my life, I am going as hard as I can to get to where I want to be. The only thing I can say about that, is to just be consistent. Be consistent in what you want in your life, be consistent if you are willing to let go of all of the trauma that you've went through hell for to get to the life that you've always dreamed for, be consistent for as long as you can be. Its gonna be tough, but its gonna be worth it in the long haul. You will finally be at the peace that you've always deserve to have in your life.

So lets just say that being the mute kid in school and in life period, its it pros and cons. I only told y'all a little bit of the cons. But the pros is over hearing some information that you might need in order to help you in what you want to know. I was in the third grade when I was ear hustling what my teacher was saying to a student that needed help in his math work, and come to find out, we were both stuck on the same question, and she was helping him and I heard the ways she was helping him find the answer, and I used the same technique that she was giving him, and it worked out for me and when she saw how I got there, I was praised in how I listened and did my part in the work. I've ear hustled in a lot of conversation that I don't mean to repeat out loud sometimes, but if it means helping people out on keeping them out of dangerous situations then I'm gonna do what I got to do. I've been quiet enough in situations where people have literally forgotten that I was in the room, and I've heard a lot of shit that I've probably should have never heard but the information was too good to ignore. I've even been told that I need to get out of my quiet shell and talk to people and be a little bit more open. Well I can open myself up and talk to people, but I will never stop being quiet. People now a days are crazy and will doing anything to get close to that person, people have gone as far as to having a stalker in their life because they wanted a pen pal in their lives, that stalker have gone too far to try and kill that person, or have actually done it, and I don't want to be on the receiving end of that. Keeping to myself is hard because I want to open up to people, but it is really a blessing in disguise, I've been in situations where I would have people surround me for their own personal gain, and with that gain they would try and hurt me in the process, I scope out people and I pay attention to how people treat other people vs how they treat me and if I peep some tom foolery, and I watch from the background and pay attention to your moves when you think I'm "wrapped around your finger" you got another thing coming. Like you really are that damn dumb to believe I would let you slide like that. Its crazy how people will literally play you for the fool and think that your weak because your quiet. Bitch I know all your secrets.

Dear Black Girl, being a mute, is a blessing in disguise, people think that they can get a one up on you all because you stay in the backgrounds. I'm not doing this for me, I'm staying in the backgrounds because if you think that you can try me, fuck around and find out and watch how I air all your shit out right in front of you. I know something that you don't. Don't play with it.