Dear Black Girl, It's Gonna Be Ok

Daddy's Girl

Sorry that I not/wasn't as active that I was before starting this book. My job has been keeping me busy....keeping me busy by kickin' my ass anywayyyyysss

as you're reading the title by now, you can guess where I'm going with this chapter. When I said "Daddy's Girl" you're probably in your head like "is she about to talk about her dad?" "is she going to talk about being 'one of the many blk girls with a dad' " or whatever else your thinking right now. Kind of a yes to the first thought, and no to the other two.

Growing up I've been around other women in my family. Being around them throughout my 22 years, I've grown to love, appreciate, and be more comfortable around other women who have a motherly aura and action over time. There were women that I have encountered throughout my childhood and teenage years that have done and treated me wrong. I have been around women that has tried to embarrassed me infront of other children that was also taking part in my suffering with bullying and harassment, women that had grown unrooted animosity for me for no reason at all, women that has shunned me and faulted me for things I've never done or have said because they believed other people's words over mines, women that have called my family members on me blaming for a situation that wasn't my fault and thought that they were dealing with parent(s) and guardians that "didn't care" about me and wanted to take their frustration out on me over he say she say, and women that would not pay no attention to the good things and the good work that I've done but will jump to any opportunity to "check" me or put me "in my place" if I did/said something wrong, and women that has abandoned me when I needed their help but want to have 'authority" over me and tell me what I'm not doing right. Sorry to trauma dump, but I have to let y'all in if I'm going to be doing this lil book. That's what every author does.

But, through the course of dealing with incompetent adults, I've delt with the secreted-abandonment from my father. All my life, all I've ever known was my mom, my aunt, and my grandma, the three important women in my family that has sacrificed, taken care, and loved me through my child and teen adolescence. With the absence from my dad, it left a hole in not just my heart, but in the most important parts in my life. As a child I never really paid any type of attention about my dad not being present in my life, It has always been my mom and me, and when it wasn't just me and my mom, it was my grandma and my aunt filling infront and center when I needed them most. They don't know, but I am sure they are aware of how apperceptive I am of them every second of my life that I am blessed to spend with them. And hopefully they will have a chance to know about this when I am blessed and successful enough to publish this book for them and the world of readers to enjoy.

*crossed fingers*

But moving from that, I was too young to understand how bad my dad's absence affected me growing up. As I've gotten older I can remember how I used to watch how my best friends and my little brother would connect with their dads. I can still feel the envy how my friends would tell the best moments and stories about their dads, and I would sit there and just listen and laugh with them and not really say anything. Deep down I couldn't relate to them no matter how hard I tried to. Just to fit in with the group, I would take the best moments I've shared with my mom and replace my her with my dad or make something up to feel unique. I would literally syce myself to think that it was real to cover up that emptiness in my life. The times when I would be with my brother and his dad with my mom, I would feel so out of place, and the best thing that I could do to "protect" myself was keep my distance because I didn't want to intrude and take my brother's dad away from him or something. There was never a misunderstanding or a problem with my brother's dad and me, the things that he's done and said in his past has nothing to do with me either. But I do feel loved and accepted from him whenever he does come around. Sometimes I think its fake, because I do feel like its almost exaggerated when he would greet me, but its enough to feel wanted. I always tell my brother to be thankful and blessed that his dad is there in the picture. Not every father is going to get in right, but the hard work and the determination to love and be the best that they can be for their child is what matters the most.

Y'all remember that episode from the Fresh Prince of Bel Air when Will found his dad, and thought that his life was complete that he got him, and later in the episode Will's dad was about to bail on him again, but uncle Phil confronted him and told him that if he's gonna leave then to for once be a man and tell Will this time, and when he did Will got so upset and disappointed and started to let it all out and he hit us with the infamous line "why doesn't he want me?"....yeah that episode will always to this day have me balling my eyes out. I always tear up on it, its not a regular tear up, its a unhealed knot in your throat type of tear up. I grew up with that emotion of feeling like I was unwanted by my dad because he was never in the house taking care of his kids. I grew up angry at him, then that anger molded into disappointment because I envisioned that if I am all grown up, married with children, living in my forever family home, and with my dream career, my dad would come back into my life, try to apologize like all of the abandonment will magically go away so he can come back and be a grandfather to my children when he was NEVER a father to the two that he helped put on this earth, I believe I would turn around and disown him. My biggest fear was him coming back in my life like nothing happened and trying to be a "dad" when he was never a "dad" . That tittle is earned, not just given just because were related by blood. I am going to be 23 years old, I am healing the little girl that felt fatherless when she needed him most, I am building peace with my dad now that were back in contact again, and hopefully soon our reunion will come to be a long awaited relationship. I can finally be proud to be the Daddy's Girl I've always dreamed of being.

Dear Black Girl, don't let that stereotype of being that percentage of black children in the US to be fatherless all because of a negative concept of what people from the outside believe about black people. There are plenty of men that will abandon their children no matter their race or ethnicity, its projection because they can't own up to their own short comings and to be bold and honest about it. Their weird for that and they know it. So to the young black girls that has delt with what I've delt with and who probably still dealing with it, its ok. Life does not stop unless you stop, find peace and love within yourself. And make peace with your father/any male figure in your life, but don't force it and don't let them or anybody else force you to. Love

I want to know if you relate to this piece of my book. And feel free to comment your experience of being fatherless/motherless child having to carry the burden of growing up on your own. Trauma bonding is not ok, but I see it helps realizing how hurt we were growing up, and how were making that promise to not have our children go through the same thing that we were forced to grow up with. Lets bond and heal together. But don't forget to take care of yourself and to heal your trauma. Therapy does not make you weak, its help for the ones that need it most. Thank you hope you enjoy this page. I will be updating more soon.