Silently picking up the mess on the floor, Senara can't help but feel lonely. Like she had been abandoned by the whole world, she paused abruptly at her thought. How could she be abandon when there was never anyone by her side?
Maybe, sometimes being abandoned by someone is also a privilege, atleast they were once by your side. At the very least, they used to have someone by their side.
A home without warmth, a father without loyalty , a mother without tenderness built a child without love .
She never learnt how to love, no one has ever taught her so . So far , in her life clouds have blocked the sun, maybe darkness is the only thing that can bring her peace now. In the end, it is only the darkness that hide her shadow , in that place she doesn't look as conspicuous unlike in the sunlight, where she felt like she had been stripped bare with all her inferiority on display for the world.
She quietly fished out her phone from her pocket, dialling a certain number. Hoping that person will be able to give her a peace of mind, a solace and be her haven .
Placing her undivided attention on her phone she was unaware of the person leaning against the door looking at her with a mocking smile on her face , speaking to someone on the phone .
Senara gradually lose hope seeing her call ring unattended, her eyes dimming like never before. In the end she is still all alone, the realization didn't hurt her, just that there seemed to be an emptiness , a vanity that she thought she had filled .
, “ For when she love, she loves alone. ”
the lady with the bob cut whisper quietly to the other party on the call , not knowing whom it was more for, her or the one sitting on the ground. Suddenly on the lonely back of her daughter, she finally found some trace of familiarity, like she had seen herself from countless years ago.
In the still silence of the house, her whisper was like a nail in a chalk board. Extremely piercing to her ear, without care for the desolated appearance of her daughter she walked away, “ Cause that's the only love she knows . ” no one taught her how to be love.
...............................................
She had learned a lot of things, even those she did not want to learn.
It's always a mystery as to why a baby is willing to try, try to speak, talk or walk. The unknown world in their eyes was just a world full of mystery, an exciting journey they must venture. How many times do they failed before they can say the word ' Mama? ' did they not get disappointed when they try but failed over and over again, frustrated that it was not able to roll off their tongue naturally?
She had seen a baby walking for the very first time, the smile that immediately brightened her mother's face with a light in her eyes and her warm arms stretched out ready to embrace the child in case he falls. The child knees buckle a little approaching her mother, the worried that filled her eyes instantly , her body raised to run to her.
The baby giggle , the most wonderful sounds she had ever heard, full of innocence and life . A laugh she never get to have, the mother chuckled back nervously and she falls into her motherly embrace with a huge smile.
Maybe the cheers she gets every time she try and failed is what gives her the courage to fail, and that propelled her to try. Every time she knows there will be a hand to catch her, so she's willing to fall.
But, why is she trying again and again? Why do she still bother to struggle to live in this world? There is no smile of encouragement when she failed , no one is patiently waiting for her to reach their embrace.
She stared dully to the side of the bed hearing the familiar ringtone, contemplating whether to pick it up or not.
It's all just a bet, a bet with the fate she had. And the stake of that bet is her life, if she wins she gets to keep it. If she lose.................she smile softly and picks up the call.
, “ How's things over there? ” not good, it's torturous .
, “ The coast is clear, Captain. ” she reply back tiredly in an awkward attempt to joke. She heard a low chuckle,hearing her soothing voice her chest tightened and her throat felt blocked.
She found it very hard to keep her tears at bay, suddenly she felt that she doesn't want to be strong anymore . She wants to cry, cry out loudly and be coax. She no longer wants to suppress her tears . Nevertheless, it's has always been easier said than done, when she opened her mouth words failed her once again.
, “ What are you doing? ”
,“Nothing ” Mallory strokes the man's hair running her finger through his hair.
Mallory is not a person of much words , whenever they talk Senara is the only one who speaks. But, tonight she no longer have the will to speak anymore. She felt tired, extremely tired and drained of all energy.
, “Mal, ” she whispers softly a little at lost,“Will you always be with me? ” hearing her soft pained voice Mallory's heartache, her instinct tells her something's not right.
, “Yes,” Senara smiled ,“Don't ever betray me. ”I've been betrayed a lots of time and it still hurts every time, so please don't betray me. I don't think I can take it especially if that's person is you.
Mallory takes a deep breath pushing the man she had drugged off her in a rough manner,“ What's wrong? Should I come?” concern overflowing from her voice.
, “ Can't you promise me that? ” recalling the familiar back she saw in the picture her heart dropped.
Hearing her small voice asking her so aggrievedly Mallory's face softened noticeably , “ I can promise you that.”Senara let's out a dry laugh not saying anything else.
,“ Mal, are you home?” Senara asked inna casual manner out of the blue,“ No,” nodding her head she did not ask her anymore,whether her location or her reasons for being there.
,“ Can you just please keep me company until I feel asleep? ” keeping the phone on the bedside she snuggle into the blanket.
, “ Say something. ”she asked hearing no reply, “ What do you want me to say? ”she question lowly.
, “ Anything, ”she just want to hear your voice. Mallory pause and silently search for a novel, “ Here.... ” playing the recording of a novel she found on the internet over the phone she whisper quietly .
, “ You're really foolish sometime. ” she hugged her quilt tighter laughing lowly at her silly little act. How nice will it be if she could stopped time there, maybe she would not be this broken had she stopped the time.
10 /Jan/22
Time : 2:47 am
Author's note.
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Hope you enjoy 🦋
Announcement : I'll be going to a hostel, there there will be no phone absolutely no internet. So, I won't be able to update this story, I'll continue when I got out♡
Time : 10:33 p. m
April. 7 . 2023
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