Just for Now

Chapter One

Cole Alvarez was six years old the first time he got burnt. He insisted on being the one to light the candles of his best friend's birthday cake. He just wanted to make her smile. He didn't mind. It was a sting he could handle.

Cole was thirteen the second time he got burnt. He was trying to light the fire pit outside for Alli when she got cold. She wanted to look at the stars that night. He wanted to see her smile. He didn't mind. He could handle it.

Cole was eighteen the third time he got burnt. It was Alli. It was her lips finally against his. It was the stars burning so bright they couldn't help but explode. He burned. He burned. He burned. But he wanted to burn like this forever.

Cole burned for years. He was a light that could never get snuffed out. He burned with Alli. His Alli. He burned. He burned. He burned.

Cole was twenty-seven when he could feel the flames getting to be too much. It was forgotten vows. It was kisses for show. He was on fire. He burned. He burned. He burned. He wanted it to stop. It wasn't a sting he could handle anymore.

Cole was twenty-nine now. He knew not to play with fire anymore. He didn't let his hand hover over the flame anymore. He didn't dance the line of it being just a bit too much. He didn't burn like he was one with the stars. He didn't feel a warmth in his chest like the fire was part of him anymore.

He wouldn't burn like that again.

"How are things going this week?"

"Much better," Cole said defiantly before his wife could interject, making Allison scoff.

"If 'much better' is going days without speaking more than five words to each other, then we're basically perfect," Allison countered sarcastically, holding her hands out loosely as if presenting herself.

Emma offered a small smile, but Cole could feel the disappointment radiating off of her. He couldn't blame her either. They had been at this for eight sessions now, and had made no progress. She was a good therapist, Cole thought. She listened to them both and offered helpful advice. Some of it had worked, but then a million more issues had piled up. Eventually, they started to crumble under the weight of it. And they haven't found themselves able to build it back up.

It started slow. There wasn't any one thing that happened. Things just didn't feel like they used to. The little things that mattered to the both of them didn't matter as much anymore. The things that excited them before just didn't elicit that same reaction anymore. For a while, they tried to get that feeling back. But eventually, it got too hard to keep trying.

Maybe it was the day Cole didn't have time that Tuesday morning to make Allison the coffee he made her every day. Maybe it was the day Allison didn't greet him at the door from work as she did routinely. Maybe it was the anniversary that slipped both their minds with their busy schedules. Maybe it was when they both realized they couldn't remember the last time they were intimate with one another. Maybe it was when they stopped saying "I love you" to each other. Maybe it happened slowly, and then everything came crashing down.

Maybe.

Maybe.

Maybe.

No one in their families knew they were in these sessions or even having problems at all. They couldn't bring themselves to tell anyone. They said it was because they didn't want to burden anyone. But both knew that was a lie. They both felt as though their families relied on the two of them. They were the ones who kept things together. Neither had said this, but neither were willing to tell their families what was happening because they had to be the ones to keep it together.

Ever since their father passed, Cole took it upon himself to take up a parental role to his siblings. He was the one to move both his siblings into college when their mother couldn't get out of her emergency shift at the hospital. He was the one to stop by his sister's apartment and stock it with food when he knew she was too busy with work. He was the one to always shovel his mother's driveway and make sure the salt was put down on the ice. Any detail that his dad would remember was now up to Cole.