Just for Now

Journal Entry - 9

My proposal to Allison wasn't bad, per say.

But it was a bit... messy.

I spent months planning it. I had wanted to do it as soon as I got the ring. But I wanted it to be perfect for her. It had to be something she would never forget. Something she would look back on and tell about to our kids one day.

I certainly gave her that, for better or for worse.

I went over every option before deciding that something just for us was the way to go. Scarlett had FaceTimed me the whole morning and walked me through baking doughnuts to make for her. I was gonna make her favorites and present it to her when she came down. I had bought balloons and flowers to put everywhere too. They weren't up by this point, but I thought I had more time. I woke up before the sun had even risen and Alli tended to sleep in on the weekends.

It was the perfect plan.

Or so I thought.

What I didn't plan for was Alli making plans to go out that day.

But what she didn't realize... was that it was a surprise engagement party for her.

Her friend messed up the fucking time.

I remember she flew down the stairs and I covered the pastries I spent hours baking with my body. I smiled at her nervously, but she was in too much of a rush to notice. She gave me a quick kiss as she ran to the door.

"Running late, see you later!" Allison called out and I gaped at her, completely at a loss for what to do.

The door shut behind her and it took me a good thirty seconds to get my bearings. I could hear my sister yelling at me through the phone and I grabbed all the doughnuts I could carry while patting my pocket to make sure the ring was there.

"Shit, shit, shit!" I cursed as I scrambled everything together, running to the door as fast as I could.

I saw her car pulling out of the driveway, and ran like my life depended on it. I was so panicked she would just drive away and show up to a fucking engagement party without actually being engaged. We planned it because we were pretty sure she would say yes considering she and I talked about it frequently, but still. There wasn't a better way to ruin an engagement than that.

"Alli! Wait!" I shouted at her, hobbling in the direction of her car pulling out. I remember the utterly perplexed look on her face, putting the car in park.

I sighed out in relief when she began to get out of the car, but that was when it happened.

Of course, I fell.

Doughnuts went flying everywhere.

I never thought the "saw my life flash before my eyes" thing was real until it happened to me. It felt like it happened in slow motion, even. Everything I spent preparing just crumbled to the floor.

She picked up one of the doughnuts and gasped. I almost forgot what I had written on it.

Will you marry me? In white glazed icing, the cursive as best as I could get it.

I groaned as I struggled to hoist myself up to one knee. I was pretty sure I was bleeding, but I didn't care. There was no way I couldn't go through with it now. Alli stared in shock as I pulled the box from my pocket, flicking it open and revealing the ring I got her. She couldn't take her eyes off me, not even looking to see the ring. She let out an incredulous laugh, hand over her mouth. I cleared my throat, trying to play it cool.

"I fell in love with you so hard that I literally think I just broke my knee," I told her with a grin, holding my arms out but wincing as I did so. "The second I saw you on that swing when we were five, I knew I had to know you. What I didn't realize, was that loving you would be the best thing I ever did. You're my best friend and my favorite person to talk to. I... I can't imagine not loving for you for the rest of my life. You're my everything. And if you let me, I'd like to show you how much you mean to me for the rest of our lives. I wanna spend every day loving you. So... will you marry me?"

Yes, I remember my speech.

I spent two months rehearsing it, all right?

I don't remember actually saying all that though, I blacked out for sure.

I can only hope that I said all of that and didn't just stare at her blankly.

But what I do remember... is her saying yes.

And that was all that really mattered in the end.