Just for Now

Chapter Two

Cole couldn't remember his last kiss with Allison.

It was a strange thing to realize, because you never think that one kiss will be your last. He never even thought he'd have a last kiss with Allison. She was his person. And he was hers. He was hers. And he couldn't even remember their last kiss.

Cole did remember the first night he spent on the couch, though. He remembered it because he blamed it on the fact that he was snoring and didn't wanna keep her up. Allison didn't bother to question how he might have known he was snoring. But she didn't push on it. In truth, it broke his heart to sleep next to her. Cole couldn't take it to be next to her when she wasn't his anymore.

In all honesty, he wasn't sure that he wanted any of this, really. But he could feel Allison pulling away, and he wasn't going to make her feel something she couldn't anymore. Cole was pretty sure he would always love her. But even he had to admit that things didn't feel like the used to. He wasn't sure what the right answer was, but he knew this one hurt.

There wasn't any big event that happened. No big moment that made it clear that divorce was their only option. Maybe that was the worst part about it. He couldn't help but blame himself. If he had just fought a little bit harder, maybe they wouldn't have slipped away. But eventually, he ran out of energy to keep pushing, and so did Allison.

They had just finished dinner, and they fell into their nightly routine. It would change a bit with the specifics, but the motive was the same. Cole would take almost forty-fives minutes to wash their three dishes. Allison would insist on sweeping the floors for what would be the third time that week, saying they seemed dirtier than usual. Cole would suddenly remember they were low on the wine, running out to the store. He had to hope Allison wouldn't notice the three bottles in the garage, but he knew she did. But Allison wouldn't say anything, because then Cole might ask why she picked up running suddenly and always went after dinner.

They usually went to therapy twice a week, but they wouldn't be meeting again until after Scarlett's wedding in a few days. The session hadn't gone well— none of them had been. It was Allison's idea to start going to therapy. They both went with the hope that it would magically fix everything. But somehow, it only made things worse. It only exposed all the issues they had been hiding from. Everything they wanted to avoid had come out, and nothing was working to fix them.

But their therapist had one last idea.

Allison cleared her throat, trying not to wince at the stiffness. "Have you uh... have you started our assignment?"

"No, not yet," he admitted after a beat.

As they were leaving therapy the other day, Emma handed them both journals and told them to write out their love story. She wanted them to start from the very day they met to the exact point where they were now. She said no detail was too small. Even if it seemed mundane to them now. Cole wasn't sure he saw a point. It would just hurt more to remember everything and then lose Allison all over again.

Cole sighed, continuing to wash the same dish as he said, "Can we just... address the elephant in the room?"

Allison glanced to the side with an unbothered shrug. "Our marriage?"

Cole snorted bitterly, tossing the rag into the sink. She could never help herself. Was never one to bite her tongue... it was one of the things he loved most about her. But now, everything was different. It was different when her sharp tongue was targeted towards him. "Scar's wedding, Allison."

There were a lot of lasts that he missed. One of those being when her name went from "Alli" back to "Allison". He always called her Alli, and he was the only one to ever do so. Cole didn't even notice when the switch happened, but it did. And part of him desperately wanted to beg for permission to call he "Alli" again, but he wasn't sure that he could.

Cole resisted grimacing at his own mention of his sister's upcoming wedding in Aruba. The invitation of the couple hung on the fridge almost as a reminder of their own failed marriage. Every time he walked by it, it felt like he was being taunted. Any reminder of what he and Allison used to be felt cruel. And since they had known each other for so long now, everything reminded him of them.

He knew that, strangely enough, one of the people Allison was most nervous about telling was Scarlett. The girl had become like a sister to her. She had known her for almost her entire life. Allison had known her through everything— the good, the bad, and everything in between. He knew the two were close, they talked about everything. He knew that Allison liked that, too. As an only child, she didn't have many people who were a constant in her life. Scarlett was one of those people for Allison. She wanted Scarlett to look up to her.

"Look... I don't think it's fair to drop this on them yet, do you?" she asked, sighing out as she propped the broomstick against the fridge. It seemed as if she was lowering her shield. "It's their wedding."

Cole shrugged helplessly. "No... but I dunno know what other option we have."

She nodded in acknowledgment, running a hand through her crimson hair. Cole could tell that Allison was contemplating something. He missed the days where he knew her mind like that back of his hand. After a beat, she offered, "We could just... pretend things are fine."

He knitted his eyebrows together in thought. In truth, Cole had the same thought. He didn't want to put her in that situation, but he wasn't sure what else to do. There was no good way to go about this. The last thing he wanted was to do anything to ruin his sister's wedding. Cole wanted the world for Scarlett. But he would never want to do anything to hurt Allison. "I'd never ask that of you."

"I know," she assured him gently with a nod. "But I think the world of your sister... and Nate. Your whole family means a lot to me. I don't wanna ruin this for them."

"They're... they're your family too," Cole reminded her with a deep breath. "And you wouldn't be ruining anything. There's no good answer for what to do."

"I don't wanna make you fake it either, if you just wanna go alone," Allison offered meekly, pushing a stray hair behind her ear. "I can make up some excuse, and then get them a damn good wedding gift as an apology."

"You already bought them half their registry," he pointed out as he crossed his arms, leaning against the sink. "But no... I don't think that's the right answer either. I think we should just go together."

"So... we pretend to be together still," Allison clarified slowly, staring at him carefully as if to gage his reaction.

God, he hated this. Lying to his family was never something he wanted to do. His family was his world. He didn't want to lie to them. But Scarlett deserved to have a wedding without anything weighing in her shoulders. She carried enough for the family. Cole could give her this one thing. He was grateful that Allison was the one to bring the idea up, because he didn't think he'd have it in him to ask her to do that.

Cole nodded slowly. "Yeah... just for now, we're still us. We're still fine."

He supposed they could make this work.

Just for now.