Just for Now

Journal Entry - 11

I haven't done one of these in a while.

And don't tell anyone, but I actually really like doing these.

The whole point of this was to write mine and Alli's story. It wouldn't feel right to leave things where it did, you know? So I wanted to write down life since.

We made it back for the rest of Scarlett and Nate's wedding in one piece, somehow. Nate had gone through his entire discography of music to distract everyone. I found it hilarious because he was adamant on not singing. People ask him to sing at any and every event. He didn't want the wedding to be just about him. He wanted it to be a day for him and Scarlett. I would've given anything to see his face when my sister asked him to sing for however long it took for them to help me get Alli back.

I spent months thanking my family for what they did for me. I needed them and they pulled through without me even asking. It really put it into perspective for me that I don't need to do everything by myself. It's okay to ask for help. Especially when I have people who genuinely want to help.

Going back to real life had it's growing pains for me and Alli. We weren't perfect, but we worked for it. We love each other. That counts for something. We make an effort to do the things we did before. I make her coffee every morning again. She comes to greet me by the door. We make plans for our anniversaries again. It just felt nice to get those things back.

Though, Alli did want to strangle me when her boss asked about setting our kids up together for a play date. She decided to tell them I was having a psychotic break because I wanted kids so badly. Whenever we go to her work events now, her boss tries to kindly ask if I'm better now.

We went back to our therapy sessions and told her how it actually freaking worked. She even seemed surprised, honestly. She told us to keep the notebooks and read them whenever we feel like things aren't quite how we want them. I do read through this sometimes. Not even because I think I need it, but it's nice to look back and remember.

And, because turns out we both missed that shitty apartment, we're back on Lantern Ave. We're renovating it to be a bit more modern and less like it's gonna collapse on us at any moment. They even got the elevator fixed a few years ago and made some improvements to the place. We spent the first night dancing around moving boxes. It was just what we needed. It isn't permanent. It won't be the best place to raise kids, but it was our place.

And then, Alli gave birth to our son.

God, that was a time. Alli was in labor for eight hours. I felt awful. She was in a shit ton of pain and there just wasn't much I could do. She did amazing, though. She nearly crushed my hand into bits during labor but I wasn't about to complain. I'm pretty sure she would've killed me if I did. But she did it, and we became parents.

I started working from home more to take care of our son. I knew Alli was worried about how it might effect her job since she just got the promotion. I can do my accounting work from home. And I really, really love being home with him. She's able to work from home some days during the week to see him, but I knew it meant a lot to her that I did that.

Our son is just... everything. He's actually turning one in a couple of weeks, which is crazy. Part of me feels like it's already been years while the other part still thinks he was just born yesterday. Though there are some sleepless nights, I wouldn't trade it for anything. He cracks me up, honestly. He's always smiling and already loves to eat, though he barely can with just a few teeth in.

Seeing Alli with him is something indescribable. She just lights up when he's in the room. I'm pretty sure he favors her, and I can't blame him. She's incredible. He always reaches up with his little hands for her. Every time, she picks him up and his laugh fills the room.

My siblings are great with him too. They've all watched him a few times so that we could go and get out of the house for a bit. The twins seemed to have no clue what to do with the baby at first. But they got the hang of it eventually. It was hilarious watching them figure it out together on the monitors they have in their son's room. It came pretty naturally to Scarlett. She and Nate seemed to be thinking about when they might start a family. Nate's been on tour a lot for his music, but seemed to be considering taking a break from touring so they could have a baby.

And... Lorena and Matthew are officially engaged. Matthew talked to all of us about it individually to make sure we were comfortable with it. I gave my blessing instantly. After hearing my Mom talk about Matthew that way and how much he means to her, it was a no brainer. It was the same for my siblings as well. He did it privately, which surprised me. They weren't in any rush to get married, but I'm excited for them. He makes my Mom so happy. It's all I can ask for.

Life is genuinely just good. Me and Alli have just gotten better, you know? We do things for each other again. We do things to make each other happy. I love Alli so much. She's everything to me. I get to spend my entire life letting her know how much I love her. The fact that she gave us a second chance... it's something I'll never take for granted.

I get to spend my life loving her.