𝐖 𝐔 𝐑 𝐋𝐈 • 𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐖 𝐒𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐎𝐋𝐎

𝟎𝟏

𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐓 𝐃𝐀𝐘 • 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟑

𝙛𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙞𝙣 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙤𝙛 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚 — can make It hard to love someone. people will stay then leave, disappear, move on, and fade away. there is no way to ever be ready for it. staring at the walls noticing they had only gotten smaller. ever since that day, all the things she could of said and should of done still haunted her.

FOUR MONTHS EARLIER

LETS TRIP TOUR • 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟑

𝙨𝙝𝙚 𝙬𝙖𝙩𝙘𝙝𝙚𝙙 𝙝𝙞𝙢 𝙛𝙧𝙤𝙢 𝙖 𝙙𝙞𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙣𝙘𝙚 — he stood on stage and the echos of his named being screamed from the audience was like background music as her only focus was the boy she was madly in love with. Matt Sturniolo. she had known this said boy for 3 years now and out of those years, he spent 2 of them as her very own boyfriend. Matt and his brothers invited her to go on tour with them, she obliged. she wanted Matt to enjoy the time he had with family and fans because she was able to understand there is a harsh line between personal and work life and she did her best to not interfere unless asked to. he did what he cherished — longed for, what he always had dreamed about. being surrounded by his brothers and the people he loved, who also loved him.

this was Matts sixth show and she could tell the light in his eyes weren't as bright as the first day of tour. she couldn't blame the boy. he worked hard. he cared deeply for everyone and made sure that the fans took more away from the tour experience rather than what he did. the end of the show was approaching and she could sense matts irritability. he distanced himself from his brothers on stage and watched Nick and Chris argue to give the fans what they wanted — only speaking when needed. she watched him as his breaths grew quicker and his chest rising and falling deeper and deeper with every breath he took.

it was humiliating, these attacks. he felt as though it was almost selfish of him, to show any sort of weakness to the audience, his anxiety had gone through the roof since tour began, making him only dread the days more. he could mask it well. no one couldn't even tell the boy was breaking down on the inside. as they bid farewell to the crowd, Matt practically started running to get backstage. he didn't exactly remember how he got backstage as the oxygen and carbon dioxide in his system was only getting weaker — suffocating in not only his thoughts but in his own breath. the closer he approached her, the more her arms reached for him to embrace for a hug. yet her arms never met his body. he moved right passed her to get his water bottle from the table he left it at — only to chug it as if he had been dying of thirst. he leaned against a wall only to slide down — hitting the cold, cement floor.

tears welled in the waterline of his eyes involuntarily, quickly to stain his pale cheeks. his brothers and the girl ran up to Matt. "I can't — please —" panic spread around his lungs and he began to quickly realize his lungs were no longer expanding. his vision was threatened to blacken. matts thoughts of the girl he loved, his triplet brothers, the crew, the screams from the crowd that were all right in front of him, simply didn't exist. the only thing that could register in the boys mind was the sole purpose to consume air. 3 years, and not once had she seen him like this.

"matt, hey — look at me." a gentle yet familiar voice reigned above the sound of the sea of people on the other side of the closed curtain, and Matt fought to peer past the heavy eyelids and blurred vision to see her.

y / n kneeled in between his legs, a calm, gentle, yet concerned demeanor flooded her veins, perhaps Matt could allow one other person to exist. "I have to stop — it's too — much." he said in despair as his inhales broke up his faint mumbles as her hand met with his — sweating and trembling. "the show is too much." the first sentence she could finally understand. "shh. remember what we practiced." Matt began to breathe in a tempo-like state. what was only a few minutes felt like hours. his breathes got lighter as he spoke softly "I fucked it up." guilt began to take over anxiety. "no Matt, you didn't. drink your water please." he ignored her words. he didn't even glance at the bottle she motioned towards him. "I can't handle this anymore"

"im taking you to the hospital, this is happening so much, it isn't good for you Matt." she started to tear up, motioning his brothers to get the bus ready to leave. "no. do not — "

"Matt, for me? please. drink this please"

his irritability was back. an uncontrollable impulse took over him like a wave, making him slap the water bottle from her hand, aggressively and suddenly — for once — silenced filled the space. the only thing he could hear was the water bottle rolling towards his brothers in the direction he hit it in. "I fucking told you I cant do this right now." matts eyes stung with tears that he had so desperately tried to hold in. he never wanted to cry, but his body wasn't giving him a choice. watching the love of his life's eyes darken with the hurt she portrayed, hurt him the most out of anything he felt tonight, leaving matts stomach to churn with regret immediately. "baby, im sorry, I just really can't do this right now, the shows, the fans, my brothers...you. I dont want a doctor I dont want nothing I just want —."

"what are you saying?" her voice softened. she didn't understand anymore. the boy she had loved for years, suddenly didn't look the same. she didn't recognize the boy infront of her.

"I really dont know how else to word this, and if I could in a nicer way I would, but please, leave me alone."

an exhale escaped her lips as she slowly stood up and backed away from Matt who was embarrassed, he refused to look at the girls eyes. "I was only trying to help you, Matt."

"well, stop."

his words echoed through her ears, she turned towards his brothers who seemed to be just as shocked, if not more, from the words of Matt. she was left speechless. Matt remained silent, he couldn't watch her walk away, he kept his head down, watching tears fall onto his lap, "its easier for the both of us this way."

was the final thing Matt had said, and the last thing she had heard.