𝐖 𝐔 𝐑 𝐋𝐈 • 𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐖 𝐒𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐎𝐋𝐎

𝟏𝟑

𝗠𝗮𝘁𝘁 𝘀𝗮𝘁 𝗼𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗶𝗿 placed near the window in the corner of the hotel room. the sun painted the sky with beautiful pastel colors that peaked through the velvet curtains —  Matt was hypnotized, not only from the view, but from the speech he was preparing to himself almost in a loop as he patiently waited for y / n to finish unpacking her belongings. y / n kept her eyes on the boy that was perched in the chair, her gaze catching his figure with every simple movement she made. as y / n tucked the cluster of clothes in the crammed hotel drawer, she couldn't help but hear the deep, yet gentle sigh escape the his mouth from across the room. he sat still with his legs crossed and head leaning against the back of the chair. y / n's gaze softened and almost out of impulse — she walked toward the boy near the window.

she approached the back of the chair, her hands fell upon his shoulders, sliding down to his torso as her head fell in the nape of his neck —  he flinched at her touch, then quickly melting to her touch. "baby, talk to me. what's bothering you?" she spoke softly before kissing his cheek. Matt immediately sunk deeper in the the chair as guilt began to permeate his bloodstream as the sound of her voice rang within his ears —  snapping him out of his trance, wishing he could truly be engulfed by the cushion of the chair to disappear.

y / n circled around the chair, falling to her knees in front of him and suddenly they were brought back to that very night backstage. Matt never meant to internalize his feelings in the way he did and he was never one to articulate them in the slightest — especially to the woman he would take a bullet for. he didn't believe that the expression of feelings would make him weak or lessen the perception of him —  it was genuinely programmed in his mind to not let anyone see the side of him he has so desperately tried to escape.

she kneeled in front of him to where he could absorbs her features — seeing that she continued to wear that pitied, borderline-disappointed-but-somehow-sympathetic expression and it always took a significant toll on Matt. he didn't expect y / n to understand and somehow, it made a wave of comfort ignite within him —  making him speak before he could think.

"when you were asleep, I went onto your phone...not — not like...in a possessive — insecure, douchebag way, but Nick posted a picture of us on his story and I wanted to see it." before Matt could finish, y / n brows knitted together as she wore a confused expression, abruptly interrupting Matt, "why didn't you use your own?" Matt sighed in defeat, "Chris had mine because I was showing him the picture I had taken of you and Trev like...only seconds before Nick took the picture and it completely swept my mind in the moment."

"please...tell me, you didn't find my only fans account, did you?" y / n said, leading on a nervous expression as a smile crept along her mouth. Matt was officially caught off guard, somewhat concerned there was truth behind her sarcasm as his eyes widened and a soft laugh fell from his lips, "oh yes! I was hoping to bring that up in the near future, I thought we could do a collab!" y / n couldn't help but smile as Matt played along, "baby, i'm trying to be serious and your mockery and lack of respect to my very well processed and rehearsed speech is very evident and invalidating." he spoke with a sassy tone. she stood up from her crouched position. in one swift motion —  she sat on his lap, wrapping her free hand around his neck to gain balance as he instinctively rested against his hands upon her hips.

"my apologies, you have every bit of my attention princess, proceed." at the very sound of the name, Matt's eyes almost immediately rolled to the back of his eyelids. giggles abruptly emitted past y / n's lips at the sight of the boy in front of her before she began speaking again, "baby, I'm only teasing you! for real, what's up?"

"if you'd let me fucking finish, i'd tell you." he said through the gentle chuckles. y / n moved her hand from the back of his neck to cover her mouth, silencing herself to prove to Matt that she would begin to take the situation seriously and remain silent. as the moment calmed, Matt thought to utilize the still silence to gain some short of composure as his chest tightened with ever beat of his flourishing heart and he swore he could hear his own pulse reign through his ears.

"don't hate me." he spoke softly —  his head falling to his lap in embarrassment. her demeanor fell with his as she began to worry the situation was far more serious than Matt had led on, the hand that covered her mouth reached toward his face —  cupping his cheek, bringing his eyes back to hers, "I already do. I cannot fathom anything you could possibly say to make the hatred I have for you expand."

"oh ha-ha, you're so funny." Matt says expressionless breaking eye contact, once again rolling his eyes as he pushes her playfully —  making her grip his shirt in due to the loss of balance. Matt would be nothing short of a liar if he stated he wasn't stalling in this very moment as he continued to indulge in her sarcasm. another thick silence engulfed their conversation as Matt restively ran nibble fingers through her hair —  watching her cheeks fade into a shade of pink at his gentle touch. he was fueled with remorse upon realizing how he had made such a careless mistake as if she deserved it — after everything they had been through Matt could only be under the impression that he was the root of all problem in their relationship. she was too pure for a professional dipshit.

"when I went to instagram to look at the photo, you had gotten a text. I don't mean to be invasive or intrusive...but I couldn't help but read the message when I realized it was from Blake." her gaze softened.

Matt's felt a the familiar dull ache within the exhales as they quickened just as fast as his inhales pooled over the dread — watching her expression falter. Matt suddenly felt tears brim from his waterline as a forgotten feeling took control over the pit of his stomach —  making him instantly feel nauseous. she became distraught — staring down toward his lap. tunnel vision swallowed his optical freedom and a frantic voice undermined his previous behavior, "y / n, I couldn't stand the thought of him coming between us again or even the idea of him alone, I swear my intentions were never to be some jealous...insecure prick just to break your trust — thats, thats uh...why I am telling you now because I can't lie and keep something from you. I'm well aware it was invasive and completely over the line but Blake said he had missed you and wanted to rekindle whatever was once there and I," Matt, a stammering mess was abruptly interrupted by y / n's lips meeting his. slowly and reluctantly, his large hands were reaching to delicately cup her face.

"shut up, you stupid bitch." she stated, referring to the same situation they had both once been in before but only vice versa now — a bit ironic or rather hypocritical. "baby, I could care less about the guy. I would have done the same thing you did and, honestly — you saved me the trouble of doing it myself...so I guess in a way, i'm saying thank you." she chuckled as the sentence diminished every ounce of concern and anxiety in his body. "I dont think you remember but...I kind of went through your journal. it would be extremely hypocritical of me to be angry...plus, you did what you thought was best!" Matt did a subtle side eye to the girl in his lap, "I don't know if I thought it was necessarily...the best decision." she smiled and rolled her eyes at his remark, "but yes, I guess you can say we are even. the second I have found out you have gone through my only fans account — may be a deal breaker." she scoffed, "what about our collab?" Matt couldn't help but laugh as he watched her take offense to his playful comment.

the night had fell and the two grew tired. Matt rested his head upon her upper chest —  only then, with the gentle weight sinking lower and an arm snaking around her waist, she peaked to see Matt curling into her frame. Matt felt eyes on him —  looking up toward to find her eyes already on him. "in all seriousness, you aren't mad?" he questioned once more for reassurance. she smiled down to the tired boy. her slender fingers gripped softly at his dark hair, gradually moving the stray strands out of his face so she could register his features,

"no one has ever loved anybody as much as I love you, Matthew."

he limbs weakened upon hearing the words fall from her lips as his delicate laugh faded onto her chest before he moved upward —  hovering over her.

"there is one exception." Matt stated — wasting no more time, he closed the gap between them. it was only then that Matt realized his mother was right, whether he wanted to admit it or not.

his happiness had always lingered with y / n.