𝐖 𝐔 𝐑 𝐋𝐈 • 𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐖 𝐒𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐎𝐋𝐎

𝟎𝟒

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐍𝐄𝐗𝐓 𝐍𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓;  𝟏 𝟏 : 𝟐 𝟑   𝐏  𝐌

𝐒𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐎𝐋𝐎 𝐀𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓

𝐋𝐎𝐒 𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐋𝐄𝐒

𝗠𝗮𝘁𝘁 𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗼𝗱 𝗶𝗻 𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗸𝗶𝘁𝗰𝗵𝗲𝗻 leaning against his counter with his water bottle in this hand — taking drinks intermittently as he pondered about the night before. she ended up leaving later that night, they exchanged numbers and Matt texted a simple hey its Matt, but nothing went beyond the conversation. he did miss her and he still loved the girl with his whole heart, yet he couldn't help but feel a sort of remorse for not only the girl, but himself. he hated himself for what he had put her through —letting her guard down after she spent many years building it. Matt thought to himself, "I'm alone on a Saturday night, what kind of miserable piece of shit am I."  Matt then decided it was time to do something for himself — traveling the world, writing a novel, inventing a time machine, or even going for a walk. he gathered all of his things, slipped on his tennis shoes and allowed music to softly play through his earbuds. he walked the same trail he always had — although he was alone this time. everything was different, the trees were blank with leaves all around, the flowers were dead, and his mind was only brought back to her. he imagined himself in the same place last spring — y / n  laughing, everything was much more green, everything seemed more alive. "is this what i've become?" he thought, "she moved forward, yet im stuck living in the past — hoping it'll catch up to me to bring me home." Matt hated who he was becoming.

matts music paused, he looked down at his phone to see an incoming call

"  y / n  "

all thoughts had cleared his mind as he stared expressionless at his phone. he didn't want to answer too quickly, too late, or on time. he wanted to be in the sweet spot of it all as if he wasn't waiting around for one, although he very much was indeed waiting for the moment to see her name on his screen again. he accepted and brought his phone up to his right ear, taking a deep breath before he heard her voice ring through his ears. "hey weirdo." Matt smiled. "what part of 'I'm still coping' do you not understand, I quite frankly find this sort of offensive." his voice was playful and to hear her giggle from the other side of the line was serotonin to him. "my friend bailed on me tonight — we were gonna watch a movie at my place, but im left with a box of pizza and my lonesome self, would you like to come over and watch it with me? if youre busy its not a problem — " her voice was interrupted by matts, "your boyfriend won't join you?" he mentally slapped himself "what the actual fuck is wrong with you, nice going." he thought, more like screamed to himself. matt hoped she wouldn't take it the wrong way or sense his hostility, she only chuckled, "Matthew he isn't my boyfriend, just a couple of dates is all It was." matt sort of felt some unapparent relief although thinking of her going out on dates with other men did in fact make him see red. his brows knitted together before he spoke, he loved the idea of non-toxic masculinity but knew it was a long shot when the girl you had been seeing was having a movie night with her ex — "she was mine first."

morally it was wrong, but he didn't care. he found himself already speaking aloud, "sure, should I bring anything?" his heart was palpitating, thinking of how the night would go, "pajamas are a mandatory attire, I've got everything you like to drink and eat here, but the wired-framed glasses you must keep at home. unless you'd like me to throw them in the fire then please, bring them." matt rolled his eyes at her sarcasm, "I have a strange suspicion youll never let this go." he already knew her smart-ass response before she could even say it. "I told you already this will be plastered on your tombstone, soon the whole world will be able to feel the second-hand embarrassment." Matt wasn't afraid to admit he was nervous. not only was he going out for the first time in weeks, it was going to be with y / n . he attempted to stop overthinking and let the night play out how it should, but he felt as if he did that too much. after all, the last time he let the night have control — he lost all sense of self — embarrassment rushed back to him even though it did bring him back to her. Matt found himself back walking toward his apartment, walking to the front door speaking into the phone, "yeah, you got me there. ill be there. see you soon."