A Fiery Dalliance

XIII

"Mum used to say we were the same soul split in two and walking around on four legs. It seems unnatural being born together and then dying apart." Melodie Ramone, After Forever Ends

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XIII.

Perrie was surprised to hear the knock on her bedroom door so soon after she had rung the bell for a maid to help her change. But a moment later, her mother entered her bedroom.

"Mama," remarked Perrie.

"Perrie," said Grace softly. "Did you enjoy your trip to London?"

"You don't like London, do you?" Perrie replied quietly.

Grace briefly shook her head, before she said, "Ashwood will always be my home, but London certainly has its diversions. But will you answer my question?"

Of course, Perrie had enjoyed travelling with her grandmother. She had enjoyed seeing her aunt again and reuniting with the branches of the Beresfords and Denhams who lived in the city. She had even enjoyed choosing her the prettiest fabric in Belle's shop so that it could be transformed into a ballgown for her. But what it all meant was a terribly daunting thing.

"I'm frightened, Mama," Perrie whispered. To feel so frightened felt so completely foreign to Perrie. She was so used to her stubborn sense of determination whenever she approached anything. But then, she supposed, she had always had the knowledge that she would return home at the end of everything, and she would be safe, and all would be well.

Perrie felt little. She hated to feel this way, and she could and would blame Joe for it as he reminded her of her height every chance he got. But if she were thinking truthfully, she simply just felt like a small girl in and amongst a flurry of beautiful, elegant ladies, who were far more prepared than she was.

Grace sighed sympathetically as she crossed the room to Perrie and pulled her into a tight embrace. Perrie melted into her mother's arms and revelled in the feeling of Grace rubbing her hand soothingly across her back. "Are you frightened of the Season? Are you concerned for what it will entail?"

Perrie merely nodded.

"Oh, darling. You needn't worry."

"How are you to know, Mama? You never had a Season. You were never paraded like that. Didn't you and Papa know you were going to marry each other when you were children?"

"It was a little more complicated than that," Grace murmured. "But yes, you are right about me never having a Season. But what I mean when I say that you need not worry is that you may attend next year without an ounce of pressure." She pulled away so that she could look upon Perrie's face intently. "You need not fret about what your grandmother says. Take no heed of how she complains about Aunt Susanna's age when she wed. You have time and you have a choice. If you choose not to wed next year, then you can return home quite happily. And if you choose to delay your debut by another year if you do not feel ready, then you certainly know your father will approve." She laughed lightly.

Perrie appreciated hearing that more than she could express, even though she had subconsciously known that there would have been no expectations upon her from either of her parents. But there was a small part of her, a tiny part of her mind that told her that her parents ought to have expected more from her. Perhaps then she would not feel so ridiculous when she imagined herself in and amongst the marvels of London society.

All Perrie could envision was that she would make an extraordinary fool of herself by saying something inappropriate or behaving in some unladylike manner. And then all she would hear would be something that sounded like, 'What a silly little imp.'