A Fiery Dalliance

XXIX

"I want to live in a world where gay children don't have to feel like outsiders, don't have to play be different rules, and don't have to prepare a big coming-out speech or be terrified of whether or not their mom and dad will love and embrace them for who they are. I want to live in a world where everyone comes out. Every one. Gay and straight. A world where parents wouldn't assume anything. We wouldn't suspect or gossip. We would wait. We would listen. We would believe our kids when they tell us who they are. And then we'd let them know that they are wonderful and they are loved just the way they are. I want that for others because it's also what I want for myself -- to be accepted for who I am. Isn't that what we all want?" Kristina Kuzmic, Hold On, But Don't Hold Still

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XXIX.

Joe knew that were he truly an unselfish being, he would have stayed away from Ashwood Place. He would have disappeared into the city, and he would have never been seen again. But anyone could have predicted that he would return, as he was the farthest thing from selfless.

Joe returned to reconnect, to feel some sense of security and belonging, to whatever essence of Perrie that he could find in that house. His heart ached in a way that it never had before, and he felt it somewhere deep inside of his soul that speaking with Perrie, that simply being near her, would help him heal just a little bit.

Even when Perrie was trying to kill Joe, she made him smile. She had a mystical talent of helping Joe to forget his woes, and right then he was desperate for her.

And that was why Joe knew he was most likely the most selfish man that would ever enter the atmosphere that surrounded Perrie Beresford, and that was also the reason why he did not deserve to enter her orbit. He felt powerless to give Perrie what she wanted, and yet all he wanted to do was to take from her.

The moment Joe climbed the steps up to the door of Ashwood Place, it was swung open by one of the footmen, and his father, brother, and the duke all stood in the foyer mid-conversation.

Joe froze on the threshold, uncertain of his next move, as all three pairs of eyes snapped to him. Joe seemed to instinctively find his brother's anxious gaze first, but he couldn't not hold it for long. It grieved Joe to look at Ed, and to see the stress and shame upon his face. He could only then hate himself further for his own pain, and the heartbreak he felt at discovering Ed's true self, the life that he had left Joe in the dark from.

Ed might have only been standing ten feet from him, but to Joe, his twin had never felt farther from him.

"Joseph Parish!" fumed his father. "Where have you been? I have never known such an ungrateful display as to abandon your host's hospitality and disappear in the middle of the night, only to return thus! It is disgraceful!"

"Calm yourself, Viscount," Adam said coolly, holding out his hand to stay John. Adam then beckoned Joe inside as he kept a concerned eye on him. "Are you well, Joe? Has anything happened?"

"Probably spent the night in a brothel," John snickered distastefully.

"I did not," Joe retorted sharply. "I could not sleep, and so I went for a walk to get some air. I apologise if I worried any of you." Joe knew full well that he had not worried his father. He had so clearly infuriated his father that John Parish had forgotten all decorum, and so was openly chastising Joe in front of the duke.

"Well, we are all glad you are returned safely, though I would ask that you alert a servant as to your whereabouts next time you decide to take such a late-night excursion, Joe," Adam urged, the concern in his voice entirely foreign to Joe, and yet it seemed entirely appropriate. Taking a breath, Adam added with a smile, "Though, I must say, such a reckless endeavour does remind me of something that my daughter would do, and it is oddly comforting to not feel so far from a child who might me to death."