Happiness || Hyunlix

19.

Back to Felix, he was having a full-on panic attack in the Bathroom right now. He just moved in and he already fucked up. Not even 2 days and he already did something stupid. Why does he always need to mess up things? Now, what should he do? Where should he live? He doesn't even have enough money to drive back to his hometown. What if-

His thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door. "Hyunjin Darling, can you hurry up I need to use the toilet" he heard a female voice, which is probably his mum. "Um it's Felix, not Hyunjin ma'am," he said and opened the bathroom door to let Mrs Hwang in. "Sorry" he said and smiled awkwardly. "Oh honey it's nothing, nothing to be sorry for," she said and patted his shoulder before closing the door after Felix stepped out. 

What should he do now? Should he go back to the room and apologize? Should he wait until mrs Hwang finished and go back to the bathroom? After a little bit of thinking he decided to just go to the dining room to eat some breakfast before he packs his things to leave. It sounds a little bit dramatic but Felix is just the type of person who makes up the worst scenarios in his head. He expected only to see Mr Hwang there but Hyunjin already was sitting at the table drinking his morning coffee. Felix and he made eye contact and Hyunjin smiled gesturing Felix to sit down next to him. 

Felix was confused, why was Hyunjin so nice to him? Felix slowly made his way to the table and sat down where Hyunjin offered him to. "Want some coffee? Or maybe tea? We have berries, chamomile, vanilla, green tea-" Hyunjin listed using his fingers until Felix interrupted him. "No, I'm good, thanks," he said and shoved some Kimchi Eggs on his plate. Hyunjin just shrugged to Felixs' simple answer and slurped on his iced americano.

Nobody was talking at the table and the awkward silence is killing Hyunjin. He wants to talk to Felix so badly, but Felix doesn't really seem like he wants to talk right now so he just didn't say anything. Later Mrs Hwang joined the table and fortunately broke the awkwardness by talking about some random mum stuff.

After they finished breakfast everyone went back to the rooms. Mr Hwang was working on his laptop while Mrs Hwang was watering her plants. Her plants were holy to her.

 Meanwhile, Felix and Hyunjin were laying on the bed, both on their phones, not saying anything to each other since breakfast. Hyunjin really wants to talk about this topic, but should he really? But Felix wouldn't have kissed him for no reason. There must be one and Hyunjin wants to know.

"We need to talk about it" Hyunjin suddenly said being the curious human being he is. Felix looked up confused saying "about what?". "C'mon Felix, you know, about the kiss," Hyunjin said smiling to himself again thinking about it. "There is nothing to talk about," Felix said and turned back to his phone. Hyunjin stared at him for a moment thinking what Felix had just said"So we are just gonna act like nothing happened?", Hyunjin asked visibly disappointed. "Yeah, it was a mistake. I was tired and all. I wasn't processing", Felix stated. 

Hyunjins felt a pain in his chest when Felix said that. So it meant nothing to him? I mean it was just a small kiss but somehow it meant so much to him. Without saying anything else he just stood up and put on his shoes and jacket to go outside to get some fresh air. They had a bench in front of the house, Hyunjin sits a lot on there when he needs to think. It was raining and he was just listening to the raindrops falling down from the sky crushing onto the ground, making the road wet. Hyunjin closed his eyes and rested his head on the wall of his house. He felt a single tear rolling down his cheeks, soon followed by another one. Hyunjin is a very sensitive person, he just never shows this side of him. He grew up being thought that boys shouldn't cry. 

When he was in primary school he used to cry a lot. But it became worse when his classmates used to bully him for that. Hyunjin was a pretty good student and he cried once when he got a C- on one of his tests. After this incident, the guys in this his class started to tease him for being a "crybaby". First, it was just harmless teasing but after months it got worse and they started to say worse things. He remembers every single thing they ever said to him. "Sissy" "Boys don't cry" "Pussy" "Man up" "Jackass"...

There is one word that never left Hyunjins mind. He never mentioned but it was a struggle to accept the fact that he might like Felix. A boy...

He was afraid, he still is. Society won't accept him. They will call him this word his bullies used to call him.

"Faggot"