love hate relationship

new hell

the place was calm. kids playing in the streets, birds flying around. when the girls walked into the apartment it looked good- for a safe house and was right across the street from the place they we're watching. 

the girls split looking around the place by themselves. y/n quickly stopped after finding a bedroom dumping her bags by the drawers. one door lead to the bathroom which is the only one shes seen here so far and the other is a small wardrobe. 

she was just about to sit down when a certain red head walked through the door. "you have got to be kidding me... out" she said demandingly.

"what no i dibsed this go get another room" y/n shook her head sitting on the bed.

"dibsed. really what are you 12. and there IS no other room, so your sleeping on the couch" 

"no"

"yes"

"no, i got here first you sleep on the couch, or the floor for all i care" 

"im not sharing a room with you and im not sleeping on the couch" she said crossing her arms y/n just stood up standing over the russian as shes short as fuck. 

the redhead looked up at y/n standing her ground as shes used to this intimidation by men. she cocked an eyebrow waiting for y/ns response .

"too bad." y/n knocked her shoulder as she walked past to make herself dinner. first assessing the food in the house though. 

nat walked out a minute later without bags and taking a seat on the couch. y/n got distracted seeing the triumphant smirk on the russians face and accidently poured almost half the packet of pasta into the pot meaning there will be left overs. 

she continues to make her dinner the awkward silence between them thick. it didnt seem to bother natasha who was laying things out on the coffee table for their mission. after dishing up the portion y/n wanted to eat she walked over to the small table by the window. 

"theres food if you want it" she mumbled staring out the tall window to the streets below. 

"im not eating your food. you probably cant even cook" nat scoffed re arranging all their guns. y/n rolled her eyes going back to her pasta. after a few minutes the red head got a bottle of water and left to the bedroom. 

nats pov

i walk into my  bedroom taking a deep breath before collapsing on the bed. not physically strong enough to do anything else i simply fall asleep. 

d r e a m   w o r l d  *sparkle*

i sat up from bed standing up watching a black dots cloud my vision. i wait for them to clear before walking to the kitchen on my floor. when i walked in wanda was there floating ingredients around with her powers. thats one way to make me feel better about myself. 

brushing past her i make sure to avoid the bags of flour and bowls of something. "morning nat" i hum in response grabbing out a bottle of iced coffee. making my way to the training rooms. there i see spidey eating a bagel upside down on one of the beams in the roof. cap was beating up reenforced bags. thor was kinda just sitting there. it was all normal things to see however right now it hurt. 

i chug half the drink before stepping into the shooting range not bothering to put eye or ear protection on. grabbing my guns i lay everything out infront of me practicing my shooting in the all to familiar pattern. 

64 headshots in a row. anyone can do that. it goes on and on and on until i no longer have any bullets. throwing the guns to the floor i storm out of the range. i need something to prove myself. something i have control over and something i can do. 

i kept doing all these things but nothing was good enough. ill never be good enough for this team. i need an escape. grabbing my keys i rush towards the elevator. 

"if it isnt the useless avenger, what do you do now a days when all the real avengers are fighting aliens and gods" people were shouting when i walked out of avengers tower. i ignored them easily getting to my bike and speeding off. 

i have to admit all these comments aswell as my own drowning thoughts are really getting to my head. what if i really was just a useless avenger. does the team even need me like come on they got superpowers, gods and massive machines. what am i other than a child that was pulled out of all if any sense of security, forced to grow up to fast. only to mold into an adult that still grips onto the validation given by my mentors years ago. 

like how pathetic is that. i kept speeding weaving in and out of cars a couple police officers on my tail as i was way over the speed limit. i didnt even notice when my bike sped through a fence straight into the river. 

i didnt wake up though i felt everything. the feeling of air pulling at my lungs my foot lodged in the bike definitely broken. and yet i felt at peace. 

a/n

sorry this took so long to get out damn.