"Hey guys" I come into the beach filled apartment with Jane who is wearing a black with pink plant print bikini and bikini shorts, we were going to go to the beach but it's Wheeler Beach where it's my brother's way of saying he doesn't to make the effort and take the kids to the actual beach. Jane is pushing the stroller with the twins who are sleeping in.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
About a week ago Jane found out about the twins and she hasn't left me, instead she wanted to meet them. I agreed and for the rest of the date where we were supposed to have gotten to know my older family members, we instead spend the time with the twins playing with them when they were awake. Jane is possibly the most amazing girlfriend a guy could ever ask for. She is smart, kind, patient, really fucking hot...there is like no downside to her.
"Hey man" Danny waves his hand "welcome to Wheeler Beach!"
"Want any snow cones?" Tucker asks us "one of the benefits of never defrosting the freezer. We have ketchup and beer, might I suggest the combo?" I laugh looking at Jane who is amused also.
"Oh" Riley is all disappointed "I thought we were going to the real beach, where I can you know? Ask strangers to run lotion on my back"
I look at Jane leaning over "if we do go to the beach, I'm the only one who will rub lotion on your back" she smiles as I say that.
"We were" Ben says all dressed up for work, Jane and I take a seat on the couch "unfortunately, I got called in for work. But it's the hottest day of the year, what kind of crazy person is even gonna be out?"
"Merry Christmas" mom comes in "everybody" dressed fully in a sweater and jeans.
"Does your mom" Jane whispers "not know the meaning of knocking?"
"She does" I confirm "she just doesn't do it often"
"Hello Jane" Mom smiles to us "oh" she goes into her purse and pulls out-covering my face, while the others laugh-a box of condoms "Merry Christmas you two" Jane takes the box "we don't want anymore tiny Ryker's or future mini Jane's around. Now do we?" Jane looks at me and I shrug my shoulders waving my hands in a 'I don't even know anymore' gesture.
"Thanks mom" sighing as I look at her as she walks in.
"Are you all ready to revive" mom ask "a cherished Wheeler family tradition?"
"All right" Danny exclaims "Pancake eating contest!"
"Using condoms as water balloons?" I ask, I look at Jane who gives me a curious look "one time when we were younger my brothers and I wanted to play with water balloons but only find condoms"
"Ah yes" mom sighs "that was the same month I got gonorrhea" looking at us "thank you boys for that" Tucker and snickers while Riley just stares and Jane has a smile on her face. "No" Mom shakes her head "the annual Christmas card photo, it was Benji's idea"
Ben makes a happy face "Whoo! Family photo!" We don't react cause I hate them "there is just no way to make that sound exciting"
"Yeah" Danny agrees cause mom always made us dress up like reindeer"
"And" I add "make up look like idiots" I lean back on the couch pulling Jane to me smiling down at her, she smiles back wrapping her arms around me.
"Well" Ben says "with Emma here, I can dress her up like a reindeer and make her look like an idiot" looking at me he points "and Ryker is now able to do the same with the twins" we look at said twins who are sleeping "when their not sleeping"
"Ah!" Riley smiles "I always loved that card, it was the highlight of the season"
"Thank you, Riley" mom nods her head
"Yeah" Riley continues "we would put the picture up on the fridge and laugh" we give her looks until she says "and wish we were them"
"How" Jame whispers "is she going to be a lawyer, she lets people walk all over her"
"Not sure" shaking my head
"Well" Ben says "glad you like it cause your going to be in it, along with you Tuck and Jane too"
"Really?" Jane asks
"Yeah" nodding my head "your my girl, part of our life now" she smiles feeling emotional.
"Sorry" she waves her hand in her face "just feeling a tad bit emotional"
"Well, god knows she needs a new one" Mom says since Ben said something I didn't catch "since your father blew up the old one"
"Mom is still bitter about the divorce" I whisper to Jane. She nods her head as Ben says that dad is coming into town "and this will be the perfect time to introduce you, to him" looking down at her as she stares at me shocked "he's much nicer than mom at first meetings"
~Dad's Arrival~
"What do you think?" Jane asks me as she's wearing a black with floral print sun dress and black heels with her hair up in a bun "does this say 'hello, I'm dating your son and not some whore he just met'"
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
Danny laughs "Jane" she looks over, we are in the guy's apartment since dad is meeting us here "if you were able to meet our mom and survive her" Said person who is being bitter on a stool at the counter "your able to meet our dad"
"He's right" I agree "meeting my dad is much easier than meeting my mom"
"One weekend" Ben comes out and puts Emma in the playpen out here "one photo, no fighting"
"Then you better make sure mom is stocked up on enough Chardonnay" I suggest, Jane and I sit at the table as we feed the twins.
"Hey!" Mom exclaims "I'm not the one you need to worry about"
"Mom?" She looks at me "is that coffee or wine in that coffee cup" she doesn't say anything and I give Ben a pointed look.
"Your mom" Jane gets my attention "isn't a big fan of your dad, is she?"
"I just want to back him up in reverse and" Mom continues
I shake my head "but it's nothing like with Phil, she hates him" we hear a knock on the door "and that's him" getting up along with Jane, I put Rowan into the car seat as Jane does the same with Margarita.
