Will You Pray for Me?

5

Will it ever stop hurting?

Frank wakes up every morning and goes to work, trying to distract himself from the pain. Hoping it gets easier with time. But it never does.

He still misses Ryan like the first day he had to live without him a year ago. He still thinks about him all the time.

What would he think of this version of Frank? Would he be disappointed? Frank knows there's no point in wondering that and hurting himself more. Ryan is no longer here, and everything is awful without him. But Frank can't help it.

So he works all day to keep his mind off. 'Frank!' Ray calls from the front counter. 'Two bacon, egg and cheese bagels, please!' Frank gets on it right away. He's exhausted and in pain, but it's the only way to keep his mind off.

It's not until Ricardo, the afternoon shift cook comes in and takes over Frank, that he goes to eat something, and only because Ray sort of forces him to take a break. 'We treat our employees with dignity here, man,' Ray tells him as he hands him a veggie bagel, and they both sit at the table in the back room. 'And I don't want you passing out.'

Frank just shrugs and takes a bite of his bagel. He was hungry after all. 'I'm okay,' he says.

'I appreciate the help, but you don't have to overwork yourself, you know?'

'I know.'

Frank appreciates Ray and his kindness, but he's not sure what to say. Are they supposed to make small talk? Is this the part where he has to socialize with people? Because Frank isn't that good at it. He knows that's just what normal adults do, but Frank is awkward, and he doesn't usually talk to people his age. Not anymore.

So Ray is the one who starts a conversation. 'You got kids?'

Frank just shakes his head. Is it too soon to come out to him? Ray seems cool, and Frank's sure he wouldn't judge him, but he's just not the kind of person who talks about his personal life with others. Not after he already cried and told everyone in the AA group all about it last week. Ray is still waiting for him to say something, so he just asks. 'Do you?'

'Two boys.'

'That's cool.'

A long silence follows, and Frank is all anxious, taking a sip of his green tea to avoid the conversation, but then Ray asks, 'You're married?'

'No.' Frank really doesn't want to talk about it, or he'll start crying.

'So what do you do when you're not working?'

Frank really thinks about his answer. His life is pretty depressing, and Ray doesn't need to know about that. 'Not much.' Ray is probably bored as hell talking to him by now, and Frank can't blame him.

'C'mon man – you're single and have no kids. I wish I could go out more.'

'Well –' Frank tries to explain, his voice a little shaky. 'I'm trying to get my shit together and all. So right now, I'm just working as much as I can so I can rent my own place.'

'Oh, yeah.' Ray's face goes completely red in embarrassment, and he covers his face, realizing he shouldn't have said that. 'Oh, shit – I forgot you were in AA! I'm so sorry!'

Frank smiles, because it's actually funny. 'It's okay. It's not like that. I'm just going through some shit.' He already said a lot, so he bites his tongue before he goes on.

'I'm sorry, man.'

'No, really,' Frank assures him, and it gets a little uncomfortable after that. That's why Frank doesn't want to make friends with anyone. He always ruins everything. So they finish eating, and clean the table before going back to work.