Will You Pray for Me?

6

It's Wednesday night again, and Frank is running late to his meeting.

He stayed a couple extra hours at the café, helping Ray during the afternoon rush, and now he's literally running down the street to the church, smelling like grease and sweat.

For a moment, he considered skipping it for this week. He does need the money more than he needs recovery. But for reason, Frank doesn't want to miss it.

It keeps him grounded, focused.

And he doesn't want to disappoint Father Gerard.

By the time he gets there, the door to the basement is close, meaning the meeting has started. Fuck.

Embarrassed, he pushes it open, and walks in, aware of the obnoxious noise it makes, and how everyone turns to look at him. 'I'm sorry,' he whispers, not wanting to interrupt Gerard's welcome speech. The priest only acknowledges Frank with a nod.

'As I was saying, before we were interrupted by the late arrivals,' he says, looking at Frank. 'Tonight, we're doing something different.' He gets up from his seat and walks to the back wall, where a white board sits on an easel, and he writes one word. Purpose.

'What is purpose?' he asks, and goes on and on about how living with an addiction means living one day at a time, and how it can feel like there's no progress sometimes. It's a lot like when he's giving his sermon, except he doesn't look so holy.

His shirt sleeves are rolled up to his elbows, and his hair isn't all combed back like it was on Sunday. Gerard is just a man.

And maybe it's because Frank doesn't believe in God, or the purity of this whole bullshit, but he's also tired as fuck and also just a man. So he can admit Gerard is really attractive, and sees nothing wrong about it.

It's not like he's going to do anything about it. Frank is just admiring his beauty.

And yes, the collar helps.

'We grow up with this idea,' the priest continues, talking with his hands. 'That we have a purpose in life. That there's this one thing we're meant to do that will give our life some kind of meaning. And trust me, I know what I'm talking about. When I was really young, I became obsessed with Joan of Arc. I read all about her, and was convinced that just like her, God had sent me to earth with this big purpose. I didn't know what it was, but I tried everything. I wanted to be a comic book artist for a while, and even went to art school.' Gerard explains about his experiences as a young man, and trying to find his purpose, and Frank tries to imagine a younger version of Gerard who wanted to be an artist. He wonders how things would turn out if they had met each other then. 'But then life happened. And it got pretty bad. And somehow God had other plans for me.'

Frank nods.

He doesn't exactly believe that God is the one who put him in this path, but he knows the feeling.

Growing up and going to see his dad and his grandfather play in different bands, he knew that all he wanted was to be a musician.

There was never a doubt about that.

He learned to play guitar, and started bands with his friends. They played in garages and school fairs, until they finally got their first gigs. And even when things got pretty bad at home, he always had music. Through his parents getting divorced, coming to terms with his sexuality, getting beat up at school, Frank would always play his guitar to tune the rest of the world out, and scream until nothing hurt.

It was easy.

It took him years to finally make it, for his band to get out of New Jersey and get a little bigger, but he was happy with it. And he couldn't ask for more.