Things I Don't Talk About

Me

I have told you about how it's going for me. But most of it is just me whining about the things, that I am sure happen to many of us, the only difference is how it affects us, how we change to deal with it and move on.
((After writing 4 parts, I realise how dumb it sounds when I read it afterwards. This feels more like a blog than an actual story. ))

As i write this, I am still confused about what to do moving forward. This year is going to be very important if I want to achieve something, but I don't think I can do it.
I try to work hard ( "trying" to work hard doesn't really makes sense if you think about it) but things don't work out the way I imagine.

I would like to quote some precious words by Albert Einstein:

"Insanity is doing the same things over and over again and expecting different results."

I believe that this line is especially relatable in my case- the way i "try" to work hard and then fail in the exact same way as before.

So for a bit of context, I am preparing for my entrance exams , the exam is said to be very tough, and according to my experience up until now, it is way harder than I thought.

This year is the final year of my preparation before the actual exam in 2024. And my chances of selection are practically non-existent at this point. My grades are continuing to deteriorate amd I don't know what to do to improve them.

I plan to improve myself and work harder to improve my grades so I can atleast get grades that are atleast above average. By the end of this year I wish to be at a point where I can take confidence in my prep for the upcoming exam.

Another thing, apart from studies I don't really have a life, I wake up in the morning and I know what is going to happen for the whole day- I will leave for my coaching centre after a short breakfast and after the classes are over, I will come back home, collapse on my bed, then just scroll through Instagram and study for a bit and sleep.

That's a typical day for me.

As for the days when this does not happen, those days I just sleep till 1 in the afternoon, have my breakfast and then waste the rest of the day just staying in my bed or playing games, and then study for a bit at night and then sleep.

These are the only schedules I can have for a day.
The fact that irritates me the most is that this is going to be my schedule for the next year, except if I drop the preparation all together, then I will just rot in my room.

Thank you for reading this, whatever this is