Things I Don't Talk About

The Other Side of the Coin

I have talked about how I see others and my point of view about everything.

In this chapter I would like to write about how I see myself.

So the first thing is that I have a big ego, like really big, I cannot stress this enough. That is why I always want to deal in the extremes, like yes or no, there is no middle ground. If I want something, I want the whole thing, or I don't want it at all, If I am working on a sketch, I want it to look exactly like the reference or I won't even complete it. And be the smartest person in the room or the dumbest no in between.

But like I have previously mentioned, I am average, which is contradictory to what I just said. So I guess that's why my life is getting more miserable by the second.

Another thing about me is that I am a damn hypocrite and a narcissist. I like to think that I am above everyone else when I am clearly inferior to the other person. I like to think that it will all work out for me in the end as if I were the main character of this story or something.

But then again, there is a part of my mind that knows that it's not true and I will achieve nothing because I don't anything to deserve it.

I am also very lazy, I like to procrastinate my studies and literally every other thing if I can.
I also think that "narcissist", "hypocrite", "procrastinate" are just big words; the truth is-I am just not worth it.

I don't think I deserve my parents trust, or the money they put into my education. I think they should just give up on me and let me face the reality, which I am going to face sooner or later.

Also I am not physically fit, if I were to describe my physical appearance, I would say, "Imagine a bear head on top of a pumpkin and two long logs beneath the pumpkin."

That's how I look, my upper frame is short but I have long legs. So when I sit down, my shoulders are generally below everyone else's but when I stand up, I am taller than most of them.

But I also think that I atleast deserve a little bit of honesty from others because I try to be honest to everyone around me, lying only to protect my parents from getting hurt or upset because of me.

I am also the jealous type, if I don't have something you have, and I think you don't deserve it, I WILL hate you.
Like this one time, I scored 93 percent in my niard examination, my friend scored 86;. What did I get- praise from my parents, what did he get - A lot of praise, cash- like 500 dollars and a second-hand bike.

Now I am living a miserable life by choosing science, while he is enjoying his by choosing commerce and getting a gf.

And one more thing, I don't expect anyone to like me, but I atleast expect them not to hate me, if they don't even know me.

One last thing (cringe warning) i don't remember the last time I really cried

I will try to write about something good in the next chapter

To anyone who reads this, pls tell me your thoughts because I think I am going to loose my mind.