Spiderman's Sister

What if he doesn't really love me?

After a few restless hours of sleep, I finally give up around 7am and decide to get up. I'm still so sad and angry about the whole situation that I have to vent somehow. First I think about going for a run. But dismiss the thought when I look out the window and see that it's raining cats and dogs. Still, I think exercise would be a good idea to get rid of that angry energy. So, off to the gym. I put on my gym gear - black yoga pants and an old white t-shirt - and head to the gym. Because it's still very early, I fortunately don't meet anyone on the way there. In the gym I don't really know what to do with myself. Exercising on machines has never really been my thing. When I see the punching bag, I know what I want to do. I walk over and start hitting it. I'm not about working on my technique or whatever. I just want to vent my anger and as silly as it sounds, hitting the punching bag seems like a good way to get rid of it.

Steve: Woah..... careful. You'll end up hurting yourself if you put too much anger into your punches.

I was so focused on my punches that I didn't even notice Steve came into the gym. I let go of the punching bag, take one of the towels hanging on the wall and wipe my face.

Victoria: Might be the solution to my problem.

Steve: Something like that can never be the solution.

Sure, for someone who isn't in my situation, it's so easy to say. Annoyed, I roll my eyes and sit down on a bench near the punching bag.

Steve: Has Bucky finally driven you insane?

Victoria: You yourself saw what happened tonight. He made me forget all caution for a moment and is now back in the hospital wing.

Steve: What can I say, he's just crazy about you. Although I agree with you, caution would have been better in this case.

He doesn't have to tell me that. Maybe he should talk to James, maybe he'll listen to him. While I've given up trying to vent, Steve has taken my place at the punching bag and begins his training.

Victoria: James still doesn't see the need to be careful. I saw him tonight after Bruce gave me a lecture. And all James thought about as soon as he saw me was when we could have sex next.

Steve: Seriously?

Victoria: Yep. I was so mad at him that I had to leave. I couldn't even kiss him before I went back to our room.

Steve: Understandable.

Everyone understands that except James. Which makes me doubt whether our relationship is real at all. What if he doesn't love me but just the fact that he has someone to have sex with whenever he pleases? What if he doesn't care about me as a person and he would leave me if we couldn't have sex anymore? After our conversation last night, I really thought he understood that sex isn't everything.

Victoria: Sometimes I'm scared that sex is all he sees in our relationship. Apparently he can't be with me if we're not having sex.

Steve: That's nonsense. Each of us can see that he is head over heels in love with you.

Victoria: Then why is he so unreasonable and putting himself in danger just to be able to take one? Steve, I'm really scared of losing him. I... I've even thought about moving back into my house just so he finally takes it easy.

Steve: I don't think that would stop him.

Unfortunately, I am also convinced that this won't stop him.

Steve: Does he know you're scared for him?

Victoria: That should have been pretty obvious.

Steve: Just because something seems obvious doesn't mean it is. Bucky needs to hear it so he can understand it.

Victoria: Like he's listening to me. As soon as he sees me his brain is completely off and everything he thinks with is in his pants.

Steve: Try it. And if he still thinks he has to put his health at risk, I'll help you move back into your house.

Victoria: Ok.

To my surprise, Steve suddenly pulls me into a hug. It's good to know that I'm not making unnecessary drama out of the whole situation, but that others share my point of view. Ok, I'll give James one last chance. But if he brings up sex again as soon as he feels better, I'm gone. And to be honest, I don't know if I'll come back again. If sex is more important to him than his own health, how important am i to him? As Steve turns back to the punching bag, I decide to go back to the kitchen for breakfast. Maybe I'll get lucky and Bruce will chain James to his hospital bed until he's fully recovered.