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Tuesday • January 3, 2023 Location • New York City.
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Yesterday was more chaotic than I had wanted it to be. Although I'm used to the chaos of life, with all the death that surrounds me, I wasn't used to the disarray that came with having more than a couple people in my house. My supposed family was in my safe haven, the place where I came to calm down and relax...and they completely disregarded my privacy.
Them being in my home left me feeling open to their eyes. I felt like they had now known everything about me. But rationality had weighed out that feeling because I knew that they didn't, and they wouldn't. They wouldn't know one thing about me unless they put the effort in.
The fact that they didn't know anything about me, aside from when I was born and the first couple years of my life, put me at ease.
I knew they thought they knew me because they had seen my home, the unique paintings on my walls, the dark rooms that reflected me, Maria, and my babies. There were little intricate pieces around my house, which caused their interest to rise. And that ended up with them touching the delicate things that weren't meant to be touched, picked them up, and had started passing them to one another like it was fucking candy.
It was aggravating to silently watch them mess with everything. Why hadn't I just told them to not touch my stuff? Because I'm not good with emotions and confrontation at all. I was already a violent person, and it would've been horrible for them to see that side of me so soon, huh?
It wouldn't have made a good first impression, so I kept quiet. The little knives in my pockets had kept me grounded enough. The guns in my coat too. It was comforting to know that I had my babies on me, which I could use at any given time if the situation called for it.
Maria also refrained me from doing anything out of line, so I appreciate her for that. And everything else she does for me. I would be in federal prison, or dead, if she hadn't raised me from the age of thirteen. Maybe I was fourteen, I can't remember.
I had put all their actions behind me yesterday when we left my house. I wouldn't forget though because I might need to use the fact that they disregarded my privacy against them in the future. It wasn't unusual for me to remember little things that ticked me off, so if they somehow do something to aggravate me, I'll use that.
Petty, I'm aware. But it's what I do!
And I had already told them to stay in their fucking car when we had gotten to my house, but nooooo, they just needed to see everything inside of my home. Trying to get to know me and all, and I applaud that they tried, but they could've went about it another way. A scoff went off in my mind, and I knew Hela was annoyed at that too.
