the book of heartbreak

day 21

It's been three weeks since that day, and every day has been almost a release.

Except I haven't been very truthful, have I? It's been difficult to let you go and we agreed on being good friends, but you could never settle for just that. You always wanted more. It built up; a snowball of affection starting with a hug and ending with multiple kisses each day. You said this was friendship. It wasn't.

And I let you do it, and I don't know why. I knew it was the best solution, but not having you close made me realize that I don't need you to make me happy. I have myself.

Yesterday I told you this and you got angry. You said you either wanted to be more than friends or nothing at all. I chose nothing at all.

Now we don't talk. Hell, we don't even make eye contact, and every time we do you look away as if my eyes were poison and you were already dying.

I guess that's how it has to be then. I thought it'd be hell not talking to you or even looking at you, but it's not that bad. In fact, it's a relief.

I'm talking to the other boy again. Although things have been slightly broken between us, we're working on piecing it back together.

I really like him, and I knew that would kill you so I didn't tell you. I didn't dump you for him either though.

I just thought it was pointless to waste time over something that could never become anything further. I can't spend years caught up in your lust that I lose sight of who I am, and I've already done that enough. I'm trying to find my footing again, and it's easier without you.

I think I'm finally healing.