the book of heartbreak

day 30

Yesterday something big happened, but it wasn't either of our faults. It wasn't my fault that your best friend tried to get with me, and it wasn't you fault for getting upset and protective.

But for some reason, that made you want to leave. It made you question us. I don't know why it did, but it did.

You also blamed it on me at first, even after I showed you all the texts of me being uncomfortable and replying with one word, yet you still thought it was my fault. I could have said yes. I could have let him do those things to me. But I didn't, because he's not you.

He's not the one I'm in love with. He's not the one I spend all my time thinking about and worrying about. He's not the one who comforted me when I was upset and makes me laugh and genuinely loves my smile. He's not you.

I made you reconsider. I told you these things, and you said you'd think about it. There isn't anything stopping us anymore, so what are you scared of?

I am in love with you. I fell for you so fast and hard that I can't even keep my thoughts straight. You are such a fucking beautiful human being. Your mind works in a way that I've never seen and the way you think about things is incredible. You're smart. You're intellectual. And you care when no one else does.

That's something I want for myself. And it kills me, but I fight for the things I love.