the book of heartbreak

day 149

Wow, it's been awhile. Almost 100 days and so much has changed. Too much, and for all the right reasons.

You have a new girl now. She's like me in so many ways, which makes me kind of sick to my stomach, except she's better. Prettier, taller, probably funnier. I'm not jealous of you (in fact I'm happy for you) or her, but something about how closely she resembles me puts me on edge. It's as if you couldn't have picked a better replacement.

Not only that, but I've had a few rough patches here and there too. Like today, which was the roughest patch of all, when my boyfriend decided that he didn't want a relationship anymore. It may seem typical and stupid of me to be upset, and I don't except you to understand, but he was golden. The best boy any girl could ask for.

He was smart, smarter than me even, and he was the fastest runner you've ever seen. He was tall, and he smelled like cologne (not the cheap kind that hurts your nostrils, but the good kind that makes you feel warm and fuzzy). He was kind and smart and when he loved you he loved with his entire mind and heart and soul.

He was better than any other I've ever had. And to lose something this precious hurt me a lot. It was like he dug a knife into my stomach and twisted it around. Why would he make me believe we could be perfect then shoot it down? Why would he tell me I was different and that girls like me didn't come around so often then throw me away?

It's been 149 days since you left. 149 days and two heartbreaks later, I feel as if I'm in the same exact spot I was in when you left.

And that really sucks.