So Little Time (Frerard) *New Version*

5: I'd Rather Feel Pain Than Nothing At All

Frank scurried around his room in a frenzy of excitement, trying to make sure he didn't leave anything important behind, because he really didn't want to have to return to this hated house ever again.

As Frank threw everything he had collected into the large duffle bag he had found under his bed, he couldn't help but smile to himself as he realized that this was the last night he would spend alone in his room, wishing for Gerard's soft arms instead of the empty sheets he was forced to lie in.

No longer would he have to flinch in fear every time he heard footsteps approaching his door, or sneak into the kitchen as quietly as possible for a snack, hoping not to wake his volatile father. That was all behind him now, and Frank felt slightly stupid for not letting Gerard take him away earlier.

It wasn't like his boyfriend hadn't tried to convince him to leave hundreds of times, but Frank had always been terrified by the idea, and not necessarily of his father finding him, but of Gerard getting tired of him and changing his mind.

Not that Gerard ever gave any signs that he would do that to Frank, but it still worried him. To this day, Frank couldn't understand what Gerard saw in him; he was just a scrawny punk kid that let his father use him as a punching bag, while Gerard was gorgeous, not to mention an aspiring artist, and he could find someone much better suited for him that was closer to his age, but he hadn't.

Ever since Gerard had graduated from high school, Frank had been waiting for him to leave; not that Frank wanted him to, actually - even thinking about it made Frank want to curl up in a ball and cry for years, but that's what happened to high school romances. They were fun while it lasted, but then they were over, and Frank was convinced that in a few years, he would be nothing but another memory to Gerard.

Gerard seemed determined to prove him wrong though, and Frank was finally starting to believe that he was in it for the long haul. It was sort of hard to doubt him after he had stayed in New Jersey just for Frank, even though he could be in New York right now attending the art school of his dreams.

It was the promise ring that had finally broken through Frank's stubbornness though. Frank had never in his wildest imaginings ever thought that anyone would ever buy him a ring, and even though it wasn't an actual engagement ring - they were both much too young for that anyway, it basically meant the same thing to Frank, and he never took it off.

Because he did want to spend the rest of his life with Gerard, and he knew it was stupid to say that - he wasn't even eighteen yet, but he couldn't ever see himself feeling this way about another person, and he didn't want to.

Gerard was his everything; his rock, his shoulder to cry on, the person who would always cheer him up when nothing else could even make him crack a smile. Frank was pretty sure he would be insane right now if it wasn't for Gerard, and he was finally going to stop doubting him and take a leap of faith.

Frank had never voiced his secret fears to his boyfriend, because he knew Gerard would take it as if he had done something wrong, even though that was the farthest thing from the truth. Gerard wouldn't understand why Frank felt this way, and he would blame himself, and Frank refused to let that happen.

Frank just couldn't comprehend how someone as perfect as Gerard could possibly love him, especially when his own parents didn't even manage to provide him with a smidge of affection, but Gerard had proved time and time again that he wasn't going to give up on Frank, and it was idiotic of Frank to continue to put him off just because he was afraid of something that might never come to pass.

And Gerard was right; Frank couldn't stand living with his father for one more day, and even if the worst happened, and Gerard did end up breaking things off eventually, there was no way he would force Frank to return here, he could never be so cruel. Knowing Gerard, he would probably make sure Frank had a job and enough money for his own place before asking him to move out.