Tempted to Touch 2

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It was funny how I said I don't want to wake up if I am dreaming earlier, and it's the total opposite now...

If I am dreaming, I would thank the person who will wake me up...

But I know that I am not dreaming...

I am very much awake...

Napayuko akong muli nang magsalita si Mommy.

"What was that, Lean? What are you two talking about?" lumapit ito sa amin ni Tita Becky. Naglilipat ang tingin nito sa aming dalawa.

"Lean, what is it?" si Daddy ang nagsalita. "You had a miscarriage?" his voice was laced with pain. Hindi ko magawang tumingin sa mukha ni Daddy. Ang mga mata ko ay napako na lang sa carpet floor ng library namin.

Hindi ko alam kung paano kong sasabihin sa kanila ang nangyari...

I bit my lip hard. I couldn't speak. I am lost for words, actually. Hindi ko alam kung ano ba ang dapat kong sabihin sa kanila.

"Lean, we're talking to you," hinawakan ni Mommy ang braso ko. "What are you two talking about?"

Nag-angat ako ng tingin at nakikita ko rin ang pangingilid ng luha sa mga mata ni Mommy. Parang dinudurog ang puso ko sa nakikita kong reaksyon ng Mommy ko. Hindi ko kailanman ninais na masaktan ko si Mommy... noong umalis ako noon at nakita kong umiiyak ito, hindi birong pagpipigil sa sarili ang ginawa ko para bumaba ng eroplano at umuwi na lang.

"Becky! What was that? She was pregnant?" kay Tita Becky bumaling si Mommy. Nagsunod-sunod ang pagpatak ng luha sa mga mata nito. "Why didn't you tell us what was happening there? You're supposed to be looking after her!" I saw my mom's fists clenched.

"Mommy..." hinawakan ko ang kamay niya.

"It... it was my fault..." humihikbing sabi ko rito. Sabay na tumingin sa akin si Mommy at Daddy at sa mga puntong iyon, wala akong mukhang maiharap sa mga ito.

For the past years, I have kept it from them. Pinili kong hindi sabihin dahil alam ko na ang mga posibleng mangyari.

They will get mad.

They will blame themselves for something that is actually my fault.

They will... hate Theon... they will be mad at him...

"What do you mean it was your fault? What the hell happened, Lean?" Dad looked at me and walked towards me.

Hindi ko na napigilan ang paghikbi habang hawak ko ang kamay ni Mommy...

I know, I disappoint them again. Wala akong ibang ginagawa para sa mga ito kung hindi paulit-ulit silang idismaya.

"I'm sorry... Mommy, Daddy..." sunod-sunod ang pagpatak ng mga luha ko. Hindi ko pa rin magawang mag-angat ng tingin sa mga ito. "I'm sorry..." patuloy ang paghagulgol ko habang hawak ang kamay ni Mommy.

"What happened, Lean?" tanong ni Mommy sa akin.

I looked at her and bit my lip hard. Telling what happened to them is reliving it all over again... feeling the pain, the disappointment... anger...

Dahil ako ang may kasalanan sa bagay na iyon. Wala akong ibang dapat sisihin kung hindi ako... ako lang...

I looked down again and breathed heavily.