I Knew You Were Trouble

Epilogue: Dear Ben

Dear Ben,

I've written and re-written this letter so many times, and every time I do, I never have the right words to say. So I thought that maybe I'd just write exactly what I feel.

Angry. Frustrated. Annoyed. Ashamed. Forgiven.

I know the last one doesn't make sense. Hell, I'm not even sure it ever made sense. Until now.

That day in front of the school, six years ago, well, it opened my eyes.

It was never your fault, Ben. It was all mine. You didn't tell me to make the decisions I did, you didn't force me into anything. I was intrigued my adventure, and danger. What better danger than to go running off with a stranger under the false pretenses of a good time and no worries?

Well, something that changed my life, obviously.

It was all myself. And I finally came to the terms to accept all the mistakes I made, and to forgive not only you, but myself.

I made errors in my life that I'm not proud of. I destroyed the very things that meant the most to me under the beleifs that things would right themselves.

When you said you wanted me back six years ago, I knew that I would fall into the same demented pattern, I would hate myself and then hate you even more. You were my first love, Ben.

I guess when they say that there's a fine line between love and hate, they're kind of right. Although I'd love to write a seriously strongly worded letter about how much I hate love, but then I'd be a hypocrite.

That Willow died with you, I suppose. I hated you for the things you did, when really I think you were a mirror to me. I hated myself and threw that anger towards you.

I guess it takes a lot longer than a few months to get over that.

And even longer to get over two years. Six, by the count, actually.

But I never let those things stop me. I'm happy now, Ben. You wouldn't believe how happy.

I'm married, to the most amazing man. His name is Charlie. He worked as an intern at my mother's law firm for about a year when I met him. He's been the best to me. He was my second love. I have a little girl, too.

Her name is Avy.She's a year and a half now. I, on the other hand, became a therapist. I finsished high school and got my degree. I consider myself very successful now.

And I owe it all to you.

You broke me, then fixed me, then forgave me. All without knowing it.

But I will hope that Avy never meets a boy like you. Oh my goodness, I'm not exactly sure how I would handle that. I feel as if I would have failed as a parent.

But that's okay. Because if she doesn't fail, she doesn't learn. And without learning, she's bound to repeat the same mistakes.

There's not much more to say to you now, as I'm sure you can figure out the rest.

But I want to say to you, that I still love you. At least, a part of me does.

And I hope that no matter where you are now, you are happy, successful, and no longer living in that old Camaro.

The one where you told me you were falling in love with me, at least, that's how I remember it. Fondly.

But since there's nothing more to say, I hope you find what you're looking for.

I've enclosed your dog tags. I wish you well and that you remember who you are.

Goodbye.

                                                                                           Will

RETURN ADDRESS:

3445 SW Jengle Road, Fort Beagle, CO 78358

Willow Smith-Duran

THE 'REAL' END