𝗛𝗘𝗥 » 𝗕𝗧𝗦 𝗙𝗙 (𝗢𝗧𝟳)

CHAPTER 8 » PROMISES

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"Why?" I cried into the two pairs of arms wrapped around me, "Why me?" I questioned, the pain of it all settling deep within my heart, spreading through my whole system making me sob louder and my body shaking along with it, with each sad sound I let out. I couldn't hold it in and wasn't planning to hold in this pain of knowing my life isn't the same anymore, that pain of knowing that my health is at risk, and if I don't defeat this disease, I could die.

That thought alone made me cry even harder.

I understand their silence in this because what words do they want to utter that will set my mind at ease, that will make me feel calm. So just their touches, back pats and firm hold around me was enough, those gestures were enough to console me. To make me feel like I'm not alone, to make me feel that even as bad as it is, I still have them by my side.

The lights of my life.

And I hope they once again shine through my new darkened pathway.

"Let it all out Hazel, let it out. We are all here for you. Just let it out." Jimin's soothing voice rasped to me.

And I did, I followed his words and let out my pain in from of the salty water that is unrelentingly leaking from my tear ducts. I was shaking and hiccuping through my sobs, I held on tight to the arms around me, soaking their clothes with my tears. I was a complete mess of pain.

By the time my crying ceased, feeling some of the pain within me alleviated due to my moment of breakdown, my voice was hoarse as I tried to talk, my eyes were sore due to the amount of the tears they released, my body felt light as if I had not eaten for days but thinking of it, I have only had minimal amount of food in the span of days I've spent in the hospital.

"How are you feeling now, Angel?" Jin asked me, his fingers brushing through my dark curls.

"Slightly better, the crying helped. I needed it." I answered gruffly.

"Here, drink this." Guk gave me a bottled water. "Thanks Guk." I managed a small smile.

"Wanna talk about it, or your feelings, anything?" Namjoon say to me, pulling his chair closer to me, everyone gathered around me, giving me space yet close. Some sitting beside me on the bed and others on the chairs in front of me.

"I'm scared..." I answer, my eyes on my fiddling fingers. They said nothing which I believe was a cue for me to continue talking.

"I've always been scared of cancer and it's one of the reasons I decided to study it, to help people who are just like me that eventually get a disease they didn't bargain for. I want to stay strong, to believe that science is much evolved to tackle it but I can't help but feel that fear for the what if."

I breathed a sigh.

"What if I don't survive it? What if I'm not strong enough to battle it? What if something goes wrong in the whole chemotherapy process? What if my body don't respond well to the meds? What if the cancer is spreading too fast? So many questions yet I don't have any answer because there is no much assurance in this and right now...hope is a bit far from me."

I puffed out a breath.

"That's how I feel right now. The uncertainty, the fear, and lack of hope." I finish, lifting my head to gaze at them.