𝗛𝗘𝗥 » 𝗕𝗧𝗦 𝗙𝗙 (𝗢𝗧𝟳)

CHAPTER 10 » SUPPORT SYSTEM

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Last night...was terrible.

It was emotionally and physically exhausting to the point I can still feel the remnant of the exhausting troubles within me.

The moment V left the hospital, my eyes got glued to my phone screen waiting for his text or call that he's arrived home safely, and to also chat a bit with me before going to bed. But seconds turned into minutes, minutes turned into hours and as I couldn't get my mind to rest and relax, I picked up my phone and called him but there was no response after several attempts.

My mind began to go haywire with thoughts of what could be or might be.

I managed to have dinner, my appetite was okay, so I had a good portion and while eating, my mind was able to calm from its race and also got the idea to send my selfie to the group chat. To see their reactions and to see if any was still awake.

But no other reactions than emojis and 'awwws', it baffled me because they always say more, they always chat more even when they are tired so why were their responses short?

That baffling question with my insecurities kick-started the horrible things I went through over night. It started with nausea, everything I thought tasted good suddenly reacted differently in my stomach. I threw up at least three times through the night, then the temporary insomnia kicked in because my mind won't just rest, it won't just stop forming thoughts that got tears welled up in my eyes, and when they were full, they began to stroll down my cheeks as I stare up to the ceiling of the hospital room.

I wasn't sure where all these troubling emotions were rooting from but they wouldn't stop, they wouldn't vanish and that made me start to overthink.

And it all revolved around my beauty, it was sickening to me to know that this is what my insecurity is about but I wasn't strong enough to fight it so they can clear off my mind. And them acting this way, distant, made the thoughts stay.

And that's how my night went; overthinking, crying silently and vomitting.

Nurse Hana came in at some point and saw my distraught state so she had to give me something to help me go to sleep and thanks to that I was about to get five hours of deep sleep only to wake up now and still find that nothingness feeling still residing in me.

What is wrong with me?

Is the chemo driving me nuts?

Or just my weak self?

I didn't know what to think anymore today, I was just tired of everything, being taken away from normalcy of living with my boyfriends to being alone in an hospital room.

Two knock sound woke me from my thinking stupor as my head shoot up to see who it was, knocking.

Maybe it's one of them or more?

That thought made me smile, maybe they wanted to surprise me this morning, maybe that's why they've been quiet.

"Hi hi!" A familiar voice boomed through straight up disappointing my expectation that it would be them.

"Hello Prisha." I smile at her, even though it isn't them, she's also one to put smiles on my face. She was dressed in a baggy denim pants with a body hug top and her waist length hair up in a tight ponytail. Her make-up was popping and she looked really beautiful overall.