EXIT

9. TAR BLACK

9. TAR BLACK

"That's it," I praise, nodding encouragingly as Lovegood imitates the wand movement I just demonstrated to her. "I think you're ready."

She furrows her brow, appearing both thoughtful and concerned.

"I don't want to be responsible for anyone dying," she whispers through trembling lips, turning away from me to carefully pile up the parchments on which she's written down everything I've explained to her over the past few weeks.

I'm surprised at her sincerity, especially with me.

"It's the only way, Lovegood," I reply, shrugging. "I survived the Exit and I will certainly not be the only one."

"Yes, but you did it voluntarily." She wrinkles her nose anxiously. "It was your own choice to risk dying in the first place. That was incredibly brave of you, by the way."

Her renewed kindness makes me huff in frustration.

"I didn't have any other choice, did I? Should I have just carried on like all the years before, knowing that there is a solution after all? Just because I wasn't sure if I would survive?"

"That's exactly why it was brave," she insists, giving me a look that tells me false modesty is not welcome. "You were scared but did it anyway. And now you're here. Nothing else matters."

Some days I feel like Lovegood is the only person at Camp Black who really sees me. She's clearly nuts (and far too trusting and kind towards a Death Eater and murderer who certainly killed some people she liked or was at least well acquainted with), but she fucking sees me. Even without being aware of all my private motives, she seems to appreciate the effort that it took me to get here after so many years. She understands how big the risk was and sympathizes with the fear I endured. But above all, she recognizes the significance of the act itself.

The more I think about it, the tighter the feeling in my chest, so I quickly change the subject.

"If the rebels actually manage to capture someone in Bristol, you'll have to be quick," I continue, as if she hadn't said anything at all. "In any case, the prerequisite for trying out the Exit is that the attack goes unnoticed for as long as possible. Or in other words: nobody must escape. Once the Dark Lord learns that Bristol has been attacked, he will attempt to use the Dark Mark to summon those who were there. And if that doesn't work, the next thing he'll do is try to track them down. You don't want him to do that while they're in the trauma room with you."

"Nobody must escape," Lovegood echoes, worrying her lower lip.

For clarification, I slowly shake my head.

Any Death Eater who resists arrest will have to die.

"But even if nobody escapes, I'll have to hurry," she adds uncertainly.

It's half statement, half question.

"Absolutely. I've told Potter that it would be better not to perform the Exit here at headquarters, but as far as I know they haven't decided on an alternative location yet."

We stare at each other in silence for a few seconds. On the spur of the moment, I decide to give Lovegood some comfort.

"I'll speak to Granger if I get the chance. I'm sure that if she knows what to pay attention to, she will assess the situation correctly. She will not put you at risk."

Lovegood nods, an odd combination of worry and relief on her face. The latter probably because she knows Granger will have everything under control. But the former? I have not the faintest idea, but I won't probe into it.