Broken Ties

14 Get Better

TW: mentions of suicidal thoughts

"Morning." Tom said, not that buzzing but still way too enthusiastic considering what had happened earlier
"Morning." I mumbled back
"Cmon ally. Don't be like that." I turned to go to the cupboard but he stood in the way
"Please get out of the way."
"Ally sweetheart I'm sorry if I upset you."
"You wanted to die. That's obviously gonna upset me. But that's not your fault you just feel those things." He still didn't move
"I feel better today."
"Until you feel worse again. Where are you spending Christmas."
"Spoke to my mum. She's gonna come get me today. Think that Leeds is the best option for a while." I nodded and he finally moved out of the way, letting me get a bowl from the cupboard. I set it down on the counter and grabbed another one
"Cereal?"
"Uh, no. Not that hungry bubs." I shrugged and put the bowl back in the cupboard, taking the other one and moving it to the other cabinet so I could pour myself a bowl of cereal "Are we okay?"
"You called me a whore Tom. Or as good as" I walked to the fridge to grab milk "I am extremely upset right now, about how you're feeling and everything. But that doesn't mean I'm not mad at what happened. It's not just okay again."
"Okay. Where do I start?" I raised an eyebrow, looking over at him who was now in the far corner to give me space to move about the kitchen freely "Where do I start making it okay again?"
"Just work on yourself yeah? It's clear your head isn't in the right place and I don't think it has been for a while."
"I want a hug. Please?" I nodded and walked over to him, hugging him tight and feeling him wrap what felt like his entire body around me "I love you ally. And I wanna make things better, promise."
"I love you too." He let out the cutest contented sigh, relieved it was all okay
"I'm gonna be better next time you see me. Promise."
"Okay." I let go of him and went back to making my bowl of cereal and the awkward tension was back. It was disturbed by Ben who made me smile when he entered the room
"Dom has booked a scan thing for you to see little Sammy today. Just to ease his mind whilst we're away."
"You coming?" He shook his head
"Gotta see jenni for a bit before I go she's leaving today to go home for Christmas."
"Okay, have fun." He noticed Tom was making me feel slightly uncomfortable but he managed to somehow flawlessly pull of an excuse without letting onto him "Dom wanted you before. Something about needing a cuddle. Swear that man would attach himself to you if he could." I chuckled at him
"I'll go get him now. Give him his much needed cuddles." His back was to Tom so he winked at me and smiled
"See you later sweetheart." I didn't acknowledge Tom on the way out but he didn't push it either. He just started speaking to Ben like nothing had happened.

"There's your little girl." I bit my lip, trying to contain my smile when I saw her on the television screen
"That's our baby girl ally." Dom whispered, kissing my cheek "Our little one."
"Yeah. Look at her moving about." The sonographer smiled at the pair of us, entertaining our curiosity for a good while before she had to remove the wand from my bump
"Here's some pictures for you. Either for personal keepsakes or family and friends." She handed dom the photos and handed me tissue to wipe the gel off. I smiled at how fascinated he was, studying the pictures of his little baby girl with all the focus in the world "I have about ten minutes until my next client so you guys can have some time in here to talk and stuff. I'll leave you to it" she smiled and left the room, leaving us behind in awkward silence because we both knew there were things that needed to be discussed
"Give Tom one." Dom nodded
"Go with his other two. So he can see her growing." I smiled, a little relieved he was okay with it "He's trying, and he wanted so badly to be back with us. You know that." I nodded but didn't really want to talk about it. I instead took the strip of photos from him and started inspecting them
"Look at our baby." He chuckled
"Okay, I get it." He kissed the top of my head "I'm so proud of you. Strong mama." I smiled as he kissed the top of my head again "Cmon. We should get back. Tell everyone that it's all okay."
"I wanna call mikey over." His happy mood dropped but he agreed nonetheless
"If it kicks off I want him out of our house though, okay?"
"Deal."
"Okay. Let's go then. We can call him on the way over."

Michael got back before us, he was waiting at the door when I got back. Without a word he just opened his arms and let me walk into them. I had no bad blood, not anything that wasn't justifiable considering the circumstances anyway. He held me tight as I walked over to him, my cheek pressed into him as he comforted me. I heard dom make himself scarce which made me feel confident enough to speak since we were now alone
"Promise I want you to go." He sighed
"I didn't take it lightly, leaving you guys."
"I was the one who ran off with Tom. So it's my own fault that I didn't receive the news like everyone else, and I've no right to be angry."
"Feels nice to know I'll be missed." He kissed the top of my head then moved his chin back to rest on top of it "Is the baby okay?"
"I love you." He chuckled
"And I love you too. But I also love the little one and want to know if they're okay?" I nodded
"Yeah. She's not a proper medical woman or nothing. But she said from her training everything looks okay. And she's active too, just like her dad." He sighed softly "You okay?"
"I'm so glad that I didn't leave when we were fighting."
"Me too. But please don't hit anyone again, okay?" He nodded
"Promise I won't scare you like that again." He let go of me "Come on. Tom said his parents are on their way so you better hurry up and show him the scans." I walked into the living room first, only to see Tom knelt at the coffee table with three scans side by side
"You kept those?"
"Course. Keep them with me all the time." I knelt down beside him and listened as he went on about each one, his feelings at the time and everything along with seeing the little baby growing in pictures "I love you."
"Hmm?" I was too busy zoning out that I didn't grasp what he had said at first
"Said I love you. And I am so sorry for the way things worked out."
"I'm sorry too. But I promise you its dom-"
"It's always been him. Everyone knows that. And I know you feel bad about everything, I promise when I'm back it'll all be okay."
"Are you actually, yknow, coming back?"
"I'll be back, promise." I nodded "Do you believe me?"
"You wanted to die last night, how am I supposed to believe you?" Mikey was drinking a coffee but soon spat it back out into his mug when he heard what I said. Dom sighed, guiding mikey out of the room along with Adam as if by default
"I get these thoughts sometimes. But even if you don't have faith in me I still want you to know that I love you, and nothing I do or attempt to do will ever change that."
"If you die you can't feel love. So I'd argue that it would change that."
"Ally. I love you." He insisted
"I know." I mumbled
"Sweetheart I really love you."
"You're scaring me again." He sighed, sitting down on his bum so his legs went under the coffee table "Don't sigh at me."
"I'm sorry. Just don't like how I scare you." I stood up and offered my hand out to him "What's happening? Where are you taking me?'
"For a walk. Your parents will be fine here if they arrive whilst we're gone I'm sure of it."
"I don't wanna go for a walk ally. I wanna stay here. Where its safe."
"You're safe with me."
"Not safe with myself though. I don't wanna face outside. I just wanna have a cuddle before I go because I don't know how longs it's going to be before we see each other again." I looked at him so helpless on my living room floor and couldn't refuse him. He knew where he stood now. He wasn't a threat to me or my relationship
"Cmon, sit on the couch then where its comfy." He nodded, pulling his legs up and attempting to stand up. He stumbled slightly but managed to recover "Careful bubs. You'll end up falling over and hurting yourself." He smiled and sat down on the sofa, holding me tight when I finally gave in and sat beside him "I love you. I just wanna see you get better yeah?"
"Yeah."