you were in my dream • chiscara [modern]

Your memories almost hurt.

Ajax pov

I flipped over the sixth grade yearbook, laying on the edge of my grand piano.

I take the old yearbook, which felt like sandpaper.

I flip to different pages, seeing all the people I ever knew as a child. People who made my memories matter.

I stopped when I saw my photo. I had big, happy blue eyes and a big smile. How could I even be so happy knowing what I did to the other kids in my grade?

I sighed and looked at the page next to it.

"Kunikuzushi"
He had tired eyes and a neutral facial expression, his eyes dull and his hair long.

His hair was visibly brighter than it became now.

The worst part is I probably made him that sad.

I used to kick him around and insult him everyday with a group of boys.

I made public posts embarrassing him and even cut his hair once.

I sighed in disappointment, thinking for a meer second.

I flipped open the book inside the destroyed yearbook.

An old diary of mine.

In sloppy writing, the page was smeared with pencil.

_________________
January 9 2010

Smellyzushi is so annoying!!
He's so scary and weird.
He has so long hair I thought he was a girl when he first came here!

Do NOT talk to this loser.
His eyes are so foggy and dark it looks like he has no pupils, and I bet his mom is too poor to get him a haircut!

_________________

As I read the letter I thought to myself,

I messed up..really bad.

I'll tell him I'm sorry when I'm ready.
Its going to sound odd, anyways.

Who thought some guy I thought was  more so...familiar - coming to a coffee shop on a regular basis was someone I bullied in elementary school?

I walk away from the piano across the freezing floor and throw myself onto my bed.

"I'm really fucking messed up."

"Why would I even do that?"

"It's all my fucking fault."

My eyes began watering more by every second.

Until I hear a notification, from signora.

She made a group chat with everyone.

____________________
Shoes without the s

Sig♡: heyyyyyyy
Scara: hi
Ajax: oh hey
Ajax: hru all?
Sig♡: great, like always!
Sig♡: me and scaramouche are
Watching some show together.
    *1 attachtment*
Ajax: oh, cool haha!

•••
•••
1 offline
_________________
I open the attachment, in the attachment was signora, doing a kiss face and peace sign, in the back, scaramouche was holding his phone and staring down at it.

I zoom in past the blondie and peek at the phone.

He was on Twitter, writing something!

If I roamed hard enough maybe I'd find what he's posting about, maybe even super old posts and shit about how he hates me before we reunited..

No, that's too far.

What a strange idea.

___________________
Shoes without the s

Dot¿: LMAOOO
Sig♡: I know, like what?!
Ajax: anyone wanna hang out at my house on the weekend?
Ajax: I'm reeeeeally bored:(
Scara: sure, but won't we have to whisper or whatever?
Scara: your siblings are home that day and I remembered.
Ajax: Nah, my house is big enough to talk normally and not disturb them.
Sig♡: I would have never guessed *insert dramatic gasp*
Scara: stfu
Dot¿: PFFT
Sig♡: I might not be able to come though, I'm sleeping at my aunties house across town.
Dot¿: if signora's not going then we'll just all fuckin sit on some shit game all day.
Scara: I can come, but like.. what is there to do?
Ajax: first I really have to apologize and then idek lol
Scara: ..for what?
Ajax: you'll figure
Sig♡: wowowowowowowo stfu and dm eachother instead wowowowo
Dot¿: fr tho
•••
_________________

My eyes, still slightly wet from guilt ached from staring at a screen.

I refuse to cry over such a small thing, it's so goddamn childish.

I have to make food for my siblings anyways..

This hurts.