Love, Loathing, and Limelight

Chapter Twenty-Eight

I thought about everything Jeannie had told me. It was nice to finally know her name. I felt that just knowing her name made my appreciation for what she said even greater. I knew what I had to do. I had to apologize to Megan for blaming her when I should have thanked her. I couldn't stop thinking about how differently I would have turned out had she not raised me the way she did. When I walked through the front door, I was shocked to see that she was still awake. I figured she would have gone to sleep, but she decided to stay up and wait for me. She knew I wasn't the type to stay out that late.

"Hey," she said.

"Hey," I said reluctantly as I put the keys on the counter.

"Do you want to talk about what happened earlier?" Yes.

"No." Once again, the words came spilling out. But why? I just had an entire conversation about why I should appreciate Megan more, and I just couldn't seem to tell her and fix what I'd broken. She had always been pretty patient, but she knew she had to be firm now. She took a deep breath and sat up.

"Okay, Sara, I gave you a chance. But I'm not going to tolerate you talking to me like that," she said sternly.

"What are you gonna do?" I said back, looking for an argument. Why was I looking for a fight when all I wanted was to be best friends with my aunt again? "I'm an adult," I said.

"You are still in my house, I still pay for your food, and you just took my car out without a license," she said, raising her voice.

I knew exactly what I had to say to fix it, but I couldn't do it because I didn't deserve a good relationship with her. I didn't deserve my amazingly supportive friends, the cake I had almost eaten, my leadership spot in my dance program, or a relationship with the love of my life.

"I don't wanna hear it," I said. Word vomit, I couldn't stop. "Stop trying to act like you've raised me to be the perfect child so that my good reputation covers your screw-ups! Let's be honest; you take way too much pride in the way I turned out so that when people see you, they don't see your inappropriate behavior. They see me, and they think you must have done something right.

We both know I raised myself, and I made everything easy on you! You never had to bother me about doing my homework or cleaning my room or anything like that! You never had to worry about where I was on a Friday night when everybody I knew was out making trouble, but you knew I was alone in my room. You never had to worry about anything other parents have to worry about because I made your parenting experience so easy! But when my life changed forever, and I became so depressed that I didn't think my future was certain anymore, all I had was you, and all you wanted to do was talk instead of doing something. I needed a mom, and all I had was you!"

I got out of my rant to see that I had hurt my aunt. She poured eighteen years of her life into me, and I disregarded it and pushed her away. I had driven her out on purpose, exactly like I had with Noah and my friends, because I didn't deserve a great relationship with her, although I wanted it more than anything. She looked like I'd ripped her heart out. I ran away to my room crying, leaving her speechless in the living room.

I woke up knowing I wanted to fix everything but knowing I wasn't going to. I reluctantly made my way out of my room, praying I wouldn't see her, but I saw a piece of paper on the counter.

Sara,

I can tell you need space. I've gone to visit some friends in Orlando. I'm scheduled to come back after New Year's, but if you want me to come back sooner, call or text me and I'll get the next flight out. I don't want to spend Christmas away from you, but if that's what you need, then I respect that.