Love, Loathing, and Limelight

Chapter Thirty-One

I always thought that I had it under control. I always believed that my life was in my hands, and I could handle anything unexpected by simply pushing it away. This past year has taught me that I was very, very wrong. Meeting the love of my life almost a year ago has made me realize that I have been pushing away opportunities. I've been doing this my entire life, and it wasn't until last May, when I met Noah, that I realized just how incredibly stupid that is. I wasn't expecting Noah, and I tried to push him away, but I was lucky enough that he persisted when I wouldn't. Again, I was lucky.

Now that we are out in the world, we will have many opportunities to push something away, and we won't always be lucky enough to have someone to push us in. So it's up to us to take those leaps of faith. Whatever happens, it happens for a reason. God sends us things we don't expect to benefit us or help us grow. We have to be open to these gifts from God. We have to be willing to let something change us for the better. And we have to know that blessings in life cannot be earned, they are given unconditionally, and all we have to do is accept. A wise woman, aka my aunt Megan, once said, "There are some people that change us, and we have to accept it. Because when we do, we open ourselves to a world of things we never imagined we could have." Some of you may feel like me right now. You may feel like there's so much you've missed out on, and it's too late to open yourself up to new things.

The average life expectancy is seventy-two years, and we've only been alive for about eighteen of those years. Our lives are still less than halfway over, and there is plenty of time to change our mindset. Being here at LTA, I've achieved so much. I've represented my school in dance competitions, been part of the orchestra, done theater, and so much more. But more importantly, I've made my best friends, I've learned more about what I love, and I've grown more in the past year than in my entire life. I want to thank you all for choosing me as your Dance Student Of The Year. We've all heard the phrase "your past does not define you," but I want to end by putting a spin on the phrase and telling you that your past does not define your future.

I stared at the paper in my hand, smiling as Chris finished his speech. I wasn't upset, not in the slightest. For years I was looking for the next thing. When I was a freshman rep, I was preparing to be a sophomore rep. When I was a sophomore rep, I was preparing to be a junior rep, and so on. Throughout my entire time at LTA, I've anticipated the awards that came with graduation. And now, as I sit here with none, I couldn't be happier to know that the best is yet to come, even if I don't know precisely what that is. I fixed everything with Chris, Ari, and Megan. I finished out my senior year strong, getting my grades back up and being able to dance the lead role in the spring ballet, and spending every moment I could with the love of my life.

The graduation caps were thrown in the air, and in the blink of an eye, I was packing up Ari's dorm, then Chris's. I blinked again, and I was watching them board their planes to New York and California to dance professionally and study journalism. I blinked again, and I was Christmas decorating a gorgeous house that I didn't deserve to live in and getting the call to end all calls from the love of my life.

"So, is it over?" I asked. I was ready to hear it after so long.

"Yes," I heard him say. It was his last official day in the public eye. It had been almost a year since the official start of our relationship on Christmas Eve.

"So no more back and forth trips? No more publicity?"

"Well, it'd be hard to drop out of the public eye completely. The best option is to keep running my social media. That way, people get enough to keep the cameras at bay, and we control the story." Media influencer is a fair trade for an international star. "But I'm done with my show, and I'm done with the movies I was doing. I no longer have an agent. I'm done with acting." I was relieved, but I was still unsure where our lives would go from there.