SOLITUDE VIVIFIES | Kim Seungmin

007 | warrior's cape

kim seungmin
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Did I make a fool of myself yesterday? Acting like a cool and confident male lead from a teenage romance movie but I was actually making a fool of myself.

Something happened inside of me when I stepped into Minseo's room. Listening to her silent cry made me want to wrap my arms around her, letting her know her tears are safe with me. Seeing Minseo in a vulnerable state made me realize how strong yet exhausted she actually is.

Minseo puts on a warrior's cape when she is around people and removes it as soon as she is left alone. She is a warrior who needs a break from the war. And even though a warrior's job is to protect themselves as well as the fellow human beings, they also need their own warrior.

Maybe that's why I turned into a cool and confident male lead yesterday, because I wanted to be Minseo's own warrior.

Minseo has the ability to bring out a new side of myself I didn't know existed. She has the ability to make me do things I normally wouldn't dare to do. Even though the new side of me is appalling, I do like it. My favorite version of myself is the one I have with Minseo, the version where I am the true me.

When I walked into the lecture hall I immediately spotted Haneul waving at me with a smile on her face. I smiled and waved back at her and then started to walk towards an empty seat. But then suddenly Haneul started to signal to sit next to her.

"I actually saved this seat for you" Haneul said while she removed her bag from the seat next to her.

"You did?" I asked with a small chuckle while I sat down.

"I enjoyed sitting with you yesterday so I wanted to do it again today" Haneul answered with a smile.

Silence fell over us since we started to use our eyes to communicate instead of words. The two of us just looked at each other with smiles on our faces until the professor walked into the lecture hall.

🌥️

Today's lessons consisted of a lecture with a man who works as a veterinarian with exotic animals in Africa. Even though my plan is to work with domestic animals and stay in Asia, I still found the lecture interesting and instructive.

"Was this lecture a sign for me to make my first childhood dream come true?" Haneul asked while we prepared to leave the classroom.

"What was your first childhood dream?" I asked back.

"I wanted to work as a veterinarian in a zoo, a specialist with giraffes because I wanted my own Melman. Madagascar was my favorite movie as a child in case you couldn't guess it already" Haneul answered while having a wide smile on her face.

"Having your own Melman doesn't sound like a bad first childhood dream. Melman is one of the best characters in Madagascar after all, but I think the monkeys are my personal favorite" I replied with a smile back.

Haneul nodded and the two of us continued to talk about the lecture while we walked out from the lecture hall. I spotted Jisung waiting for me outside and when he noticed me back, a proud smile appeared while he crossed his arms.

"Do you want to come along with me and my friend for lunch?" I asked Haneul.

"Not today but I would like to another day" Haneul said with a smile at the end.

I smiled back at her and then said goodbye before I walked up to Jisung. When I turned around was Jisung already walking towards me with the same proud smile he had earlier. Jisung threw his arms around my shoulder, causing me to lose my balance and almost fall right on Jisung.

Jisung didn't hesitate to bomb me with questions about me and Haneul. I answered briefly to all of his questions, not feeling the need to give him long answers since there's not much to tell anyway. I just wish Jisung could be honest with me, say he only wants me to date Haneul because he wants me to stay away from Minseo.

When we arrived outside the university building, my eyes caught a girl in a wheelchair. It was unfortunately not Minseo, it was a random student. My body naturally stopped walking while I looked at the girl in the wheelchair who was laughing happily along with some other students.

"Do you know who she is?" I asked Jisung.

"Not sure exactly who she is but I know she studies computer science" Jisung answered.

So, if she is able to attend university even though she is in a wheelchair, doesn't that mean it's not impossible for Minseo to attend university as well? Minseo's situation might be more complicated but it is still not impossible.

"Could you do me a favor?" I asked.

"Of course, what is it?" Jisung replied.

"If Minseo came back and started attending university regularly.. Could you take care of her for me? I would prefer to be the one who takes care of her but since we are in two different departme-" I said.

"You gotta be kidding me right now" Jisung interrupted while he chuckled to himself.

"I want you to be honest now Seungmin, do you really think Minseo will get better? You who have spent multiple hours with her, you who have first row to her suffering, you who have the biggest insight in her life" Jisung added.

Do I think Minseo will get better? Honestly speaking, it doesn't matter to me if she gets better or worse. What matters to me is her feelings.

If I was in Minseo's position, I wouldn't either want to rot away in my hospital bed while waiting for Grim Reaper to pay a short visit. Minseo might die soon but so will we all one day. Just because Minseo might die soon doesn't it mean she don't deserve a moment of happiness.

I don't want Minseo to die while thinking her life was worthless. I don't want Minseo to have empty spots in her heart that could be filled with happiness. She doesn't ask for a lot but yet the small things Minseo ask for keeps being taken away from her.

"It doesn't matter what I think" I said while I walked away.