SOLITUDE VIVIFIES | Kim Seungmin

017 | the prettiest flower

kim seungmin
───────────

It all makes sense now. My behavior, actions, and emotions - they all make sense now. I understand the real reason behind why my thoughts only consists of Minseo, and why everything I do and see reminds me of her.

It makes sense why I can't understand the promise made between bridal couples. If bridal couples swear to stay in love until death separates them, then there is no point in getting married.

People are free to call me young and stupid because when you are young, they assume you know nothing, especially about love. Still, they are the ones getting married to someone whom they promise to stop loving once death comes in between them.

They are the ones romanticizing death and using white lies in their daily routine. Nevertheless, they call out teenagers and young adults for being young and stupid when we fall in love. They say we are too young and naive to know about true love.

But at least I know my love for Minseo won't die just because one of us does. That's why my behavior, actions, and emotions make sense now. It's not because I just like Minseo, I love her.

And the more I thought about it, the more I fell in love with her. My soul itself is distracted by Minseo because I cannot look or notice anything or anyone else when she is the prettiest flower on the field.

A part of me wishes Minseo could hear the way I think and talk about her because I would also like to know if Minseo thinks of me as I think of her.

I was just about to buy a drink from the vending machine when I spotted Jisung and Haneul sitting by themselves. Their conversation is muted due to the window wall seperating us, but I can tell based on their facial expressions and and body language that something is going on.

Haneul have kept acting weird since the day we drank. I have tried to communicate through text since our schedules have not matched as much as it used to due to the group project. But Haneul seems to be ignoring me and I don't know why.

The two of them said goodbye and walked separate ways, Haneul towards my direction.

"I have been worried about you" I said while I walked towards her.

Haneul looked up at me with a blank expression, only to then turn her heel and walk in the other direction. I quickly caught up and grabbed her wrist to stop her from walking away.

"I wish I could ask you to stop pretending like you don't know, but you really don't know" Haneul said.

"Even though I would like you to figure it out yourself, I'm still gonna give you a hint. I'm not mad at you for your feelings, I am mad at you for your behavior" Haneul added.

After that, she removed my hand from her wrist and walked away, leaving me with many questions crossing my mind. 

🌥️

It was already hard enough to know that Haneul was suffering from a problem by herself. But knowing that I am the problem itself made the suffering worse.

How can I solve a problem that I don't even know about?

I let out a sigh as I entered the hallway of my house, seeing my mom peeking at me from the kitchen.

"You are home early" My mom mentioned.

"Am I usually late?" I questioned.

"Not sure. I guess I just expected you to come home later today" My mom replied with a slight smile.

I nodded as I took a seat on our kitchen island. My mom closed the last leftovers box before she walked up to me, knowing there is something on my mind.

"What would you do if someone was mad at you, but you don't know the reason why they are mad at you?" I asked.

"I don't understand" My mom replied puzzled.

"I have a friend who is mad at me for something I did to her, but I don't know what it is" I explained.

"Is this friend that girl from the hospital?" My mom asked out of curiosity.

"No, no. It's not her. It's another friend of mine" I answered.

"That's a relief. Based on the short interracion and words from your dad does, she seem like a sweet girl. Not to mention, you two would make a cute couple" My mom said with a smile as she walked back to the leftovers boxes.

"I like her too" I confessed by whispering it to myself.

Even though I have repeat that sentence in my head multiple times, saying it out loud does feel just right.

"I got a call from hospital this morning. Your dad is expected to move back home before the end of the month" My mom announced.

"They also want to test you again before your dad is discharged from the hospital" She added.

I smiled at the thought of having dad back home. The house has been empty without him, especially considering that mom has been working double shifts in order to take care of all the payments.

"What's the name of your friend again? I have forgotten. Is it Miso?" My mom asked out of curiosity.

"Minseo" I answered with soft chuckle.

"You should bring her over one day. I want to treat her with dinner when she is discharged" My mom said with a smile.

Replaying the moment of the first encounter between Minseo and my parents never fails to make my heart flattered. Even though I still feel the embarrassment running through my body every time I think about it, due to my dad's teasing comment.

However, in the back of my mind, I am aware that my dad made that comment out of comfortableness. He felt comfortable with Minseo, despite it being their first encounter. Not to mention, dad left sweet words about Minseo to mom.

The knowledge that my parents appreciate
Minseo for who she is and do not mind her battle with cancer. That knowledge means the world to me. This is the only reason why I'm thankful for being in a family where cancer runs in the genes.

Instead of judging based on stereotypes, we comfort based on experience. At the end of the day, we need to rely on each other because people tend take a step back instead of taking two steps forward when someone needs them the most.