SOLITUDE VIVIFIES | Kim Seungmin

022 | bittersweet

kim seungmin
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Despite being in the happiest state of my life, with both my dad and Minseo recovering and soon about to discharge from the hospital, karma is not giving up on me.

At the end of the day, it doesn't matter which direction your life is heading, karma is always right behind you like a shadow. Haven't I done rough, still? Do I need to solve things with Haneul in order to get rid of my karma?

Unfortunately, I am not the only one who's having problems with Haneul right now. Haneul has all right to be mad at me, for how long and how much as she wants. However, my line stops when it reaches Minseo who has nothing to do with this.

All Haneul and Minseo needed was to look at each other to make Minseo feel threatened. Whenever I start to think about Haneul, my brain stops functioning because she is making things more complicated than it actually is.

Neither of us is majoring in communication, however, it's common knowledge you need communication in order to solve problems and move on.

It always feels empty to be without Minseo, but today is different. I already do enjoy going to lectures and being a university student, everything is always better with Minseo, it doesn't matter what it is. The feeling of impatient waiting for the last minutes of the lecture to end so you can spend time with the person you love.

"Oh Seungmin! Are you down for Lotte World this weekend?" Rawon asked me full of excitement as I approached them.

"Sure, why not" I answered as I sat down and joined their table.

"Should we invite Minseo too?" Hakkun suggested.

My eyes immediately fell on Haneul who is sitting beside Hakkun. She already kept her head low but lowered her head more as soon as Minseo's name was mentioned.

"I can ask her if she wants to come along. Can't we ask Jisung as well?" I suggested.

The rest agreed with me and Haneul raised her head higher after the mention of Jisung. I noticed a sigh from her before standing up and walking away in silence. I didn't hesitate to follow after her to check if everything is alright.

"Haneul?" I called her name, causing her to stop walking.

Haneul turned around to look at me. She took a few steps forward to decrease the distance between us. As always is her facial expression impossible to read.

"I thought Minseo was hospitalized" Haneul blurted out.

"She is, or, Minseo is about to discharge very soon but on paper is she hospitalized" I said.

"I see. I thought you were playing along with your lies once again" Haneul replied.

"Are you still mad at me? I did what you asked me to do Haneul. I realized my mistake, explained and talked with you about it, yet it's not enough or what?" I responded out of annoyance.

"I'm not mad at you anymore, I'm just tired of you and your explanations. Don't walk around with high shoulders that are full of pride, thinking I still like you, because I don't" Haneul stated.

"I made a mistake when I fell for you, fortunately, I realize that mistake before it was too late. At least I have learned something from my mistake, at least I dont date someone out of pity" She added.

With that said, Haneul walked away in the same direction we came from. She made sure to aggressively bump into my shoulder as she passed by me. Anger is boiling inside me. All I want is to scream at Haneul, but I know I shouldn't let my anger control my behavior.

Listening to Haneul's choice of words lately, as well as her way of thinking, I easily find connections between her and Jisung. It wouldn't surprise me if Jisung is the main source of Haneul's hate for Minseo. To summarize my theory, I believe Jisung and Haneul have been talking shit about me and Minseo behind my back.

⛅

Minseo wasn't able to attend any classes today due to her last health check-up before discharge. Even if most people connect hospitals with sadness, I connect hospitals with joy. Coming here almost every other day has become a part of my routine.

Today will be one of my last hospital visits, and I do have mixed feelings about it. It's a bittersweet feeling I guess.

I stood by the doorframe of Minseo's room. Every time I have walked in has she been lying down in her bed, but today is she standing by the window. I carefully walked inside, almost tiptoeing to make sure Minseo doesn't notice my arrival.

I wrapped my arms around her waist as I placed my head on her shoulder, holding her as close as I can. I have developed a habit of needing to keep Minseo close because I want to protect her as much as I can. To me, Minseo is too precious and needs to be protected from our world which is full of shit.

"Seungmin?" Minseo called my name.

"The hospital staff can't stop mentioning my homecoming, asking me how everything feels, if I'm going to be okay. The home they are talking about is my aunt's house which sure is my home but.. Maybe home is nothing more but two arms holding you tight" She added.

"A broken boy meets a broken girl and finds peace, hope, and home in each other" I said.

"Do I have permission to take you out any day soon? I cannot stop thinking about the surprise you are planning for me" I added with a soft chuckle.

"I should be the one asking you out since it's my surprise" Minseo replied as she turned around to look me in the eyes, still keeping herself in between my arms.

"But I asked first" I noted proudly.

I hope Minseo gets the message between the lines. Even if she is technically mine, I want to make sure I'm hers as well.