Behind His Mask

Chapter 24

Riley stared at the ceiling of his room. Its been a few hours since he finished cleaning up, and the words that his father said is still in his mind. He unconsciously let out another sigh.

"Look, if you feel guilty, just go to your father. Eat dinner with him." Napalingon siya kay Quint na nakahilata sa couch habang nakatingin ito sa cellphone nito.

"Hindi ako nagi-guilty." He denied and Quint scoffed.

"Yeah, sure." Anito at tumayo. "Just go and eat dinner with him. Lalabas muna ako." Dagdag nito.

Hindi naman umimik si Riley at ibinalik lang niya ang tingin niya sa kisame. Memories that he didn't want to remember had been camping in his head for a few hours now. And it's taking everything that he has to stay sane.

Ilang minuto pa ang lumipas at hindi na talaga siya nakatiis. He opened his drawer and took a stick. He doesn't usually smoke. However, if his emotions are on the verge of overflowing, he smokes a lot until he gets dizzy.

Sunod-sunod na patay sindi ng sigarilyo ang ginawa niya. He even took a can of beer from the small fridge that he has in his room. His mind is so busy elsewhere that he didn't even notice that there were knocks on his door. Ilang beses na may kakatok sa pintuan ng kwarto niya at mawawala ang mga ito dahil sa walang sagot mula sa kaniya ang nangyari.

Riley's already dizzy. Hindi niya alam kung ilang lata na ba ng alak ang nainom niya at kung ilang stick na ba ng sigarilyo ang nasindihan niya. His room, which usually has this minty smell, now reeks of alcohol and cigarette.

Riley walked towards the window of his room as he continued to smoke and drink. He just stared outside, trying to silence the raging emotions that he's feeling. Killing those and burying it deep in his heart. Like the usual.

"Son." Riley didn't answer. No, he didn't even hear someone calling him. With him forcing every part of his being to just die in order to feel numb, he's already on the process of shutting down while shutting people out.

"Riley." Napalingon lang si Riley nang naramdaman niyang may lumapat na kamay sa balikat niya and when he looked back, he saw his father.

"Dad. Anong ginagawa niyo rito?" Riley asked and his father looked at him before heaving a deep sigh.

"Riley, don't do this to yourself." Nag-aalalang sambit ng ama niya.

"I'm okay, I'm not dead." Nakakunot ang noong sagot niya sa amang naiiling sa harapan niya.

"I'm sorry. Son, Riley, I'm sorry for making you remember things that you don't want to remember." His father said with a guilty expression.

"It's fine. I'm okay." Aniya at muling umiling naman ang tatay niya.

"No, I know you're not. Until now, even if you got your revenge, you're still blaming yourself, right? Riley, it's not your fault. Their death-" His father wasn't able to continue his words when he exploded.

"But it is! God damn it! I know it is! Do not gaslight me just to make me feel fucking better!" Riley screamed as he looked at his father.

"If I listened to you that time and didn't sneak out, just to bring my sister to the mall, then she wouldn't be kidnapped! I fucking sneaked her out! I made her ditch her guards! Fuck!" Sinabunutan ni Riley ang sarili niya sa sobrang galit.

"And mom died because I fucking stressed her out while she was giving birth! I was crying outside of her room, begging to see my mother or else I would run away, and nobody would see me again just because of a childish fear that my mother hates me and doesn't want to see me! In the end, she died due to having a heart attack while giving birth, right?! It is my fucking fault! Even if you say that it isn't, I still contributed to their deaths! If only I became the dignified son that you tried to make of me, then that would not have happened!"