Being Gorgeous (Being #1) rough draft, slowly being re-written. Warning-Many mistakes

Chapter 22

"It’s like trying to remember what light looks like in a world full of darkness." (Blair) from Being Gorgeous...

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Chapter 22:

Walking barefooted into Blair's room was hard. Memories clung to the walls and I felt like I was walking on air. Her room held an aura of sadness that drifted in and out through her open window. A small warm breeze drifted and lifted the curtains making them dance as I slowly made my way to her desk. Slowly my feet sank into the soft plush carpet, almost like how my heart was feeling every time I got closer to her small mahogany desk. I rubbed my arms up and down trying to keep myself from shivering even more. I wasn't even cold, but I was nervous. Slowly I pulled open the first drawer and there atop of piles of papers and pens, sat Blair's diary. It was a small rectangular notebook, old and worn out. It was once pink colored but from the looks of it, that once bright pink was now a dull cream color. I opened the cover and inside stood Blair's curly calligraphy.

This Belongs to Blair Willow: If  found please return..

 I turned to next page slowly almost afraid to touch it. The pages were old and fragile. The first entry was not too long ago, it was her freshman year.

Dear, Diary…

My stupid counselor thinks that writing in a diary will help with all the pent up feelings that I have since I won’t talk to her or anybody for that matter. She’s right, I hope this helps…

Today was my first day of freshman year and it was a success. I managed to destroy Avery’s reputation. Last summer she started getting fatter, eating more, although it didn’t really make her uglier I had convinced her she was ugly, telling her things like that she had crooked teeth and a big nose. She didn’t believe me at first, but once she heard the other students comments, she started seeing or “thinking” that she saw all those flaws in her. This year was going to be my revenge, or maybe all four years? It’s her fault she killed them..

I miss them so damn much, part of me wants to die alongside them and the other part wants nothing but to want Avery dead too…Am I normal? Do I really want to think these kinds of things?! Maybe I did get damaged in the head, I’m not crazy…I think…

Love, Blair <3…

I turned the page slightly, my hand was shaking, as all kinds of emotions ran through me. Anger, Dread, Guilt, Sadness... Small droplets of dried water laid on the page of Bliar's diary entry, most likely tears. Slowly I took a deep breath. I  sank down onto the floor and crossed my legs under me, letting my white summer dress brush against the carpet. Small whispers surrounded the room and I continued reading the next entry.

Dear, Diary…

I had another nightmare tonight…It’s currently 12 at midnight and I’m crying my eyes out. I felt the crash again.

The way the glass exploded and made my eyes water from the force. The lack of crying from Avery…but most of all I saw my parents in the darkness as they fell forward, crushing their skull and making them bleed in places I hadn’t wanted to see. Avery’s small mouth was shaped into a small “O” as her eyes began to flutter close.

 Me? I was drowning into subconsciousness , as drops of blood filled my mouth. I could still taste the coppery and salty bitter taste of it…A pounding in my ears still rings and I could feel myself closing my eyes and letting the darkness take me.

If only Avery had stayed quiet, and stopped throwing her stupid tantrum. My parents would have still been alive today… But no, Avery has always been stubborn, and that’s why it’s up to me to crack that shell and break her, just like she broke me. I’ll ruin her life at school... and at home…well it doesn’t matter I try not to spend too much time there.

Love, Blair<3…

I was shaking from what I just read, She really hated me..I thought to myself, as small tears fell from my eyes. I closed my eyes and wished that I could remember what happened, but I just couldnt. I sighed and shook my head, what I had done was hard, but Blair didn't have to hurt me for it, I had only been a mistake I was small, how could she still hold that against me. I turned the page once more...

Dear, Diary….

I feel like throwing up, a month ago I had gone to a party with the girls and I had drunk more than usual, trying to forget about my parents. But something happened, something I really don’t want to say out loud.

It’s like trying to remember what light looks like in a world full of darkness. A guy I had met told me beautiful things in my ear and kissed me tenderly telling me he loved me…and I had believed him. He took me to an empty room and took advantage of me. I tried to push him off but he was stronger. I cried and screamed but the music was too loud. And I let him take my virginity after I had lost all of my will power, when he was done. I sat in the darkness feeling numb. My legs hurt and  I could feel tears soaking my dress. I felt dirty and hurt…I tried to stand up but couldn’t, a couple of minutes later Auden found me and carried me to the car. I sobbed onto her chest and cried for what seemed like a million years….

And now….Now I was crying again, I had gone to the doctors today for an abortion. I was pregnant and nobody knew about it, except Auden. She was with me through everything….

Avery…

If only she my parents were here I wouldn’t have gotten raped…I wouldn’t have so much pain in me….

Blair…

This time my breath caught short. Blair had been raped, and then gotten pregnant. My heart was pounding and racing. I was still as a stone. The wind was whistling softly as it blew past my hair. soft strands touched my cheek making them stick with the tears. Why her? I thought to myself silently. I stood up and closed it, not wanting to know anymore. I numbly made my way to the door and shoved the diary aside her empty room. closing door behind me I let a small whimper escape my lips.

Blair....

No matter how cruel she was to me, she didn't deserve all of this. She was traumatized. I walked down the stairs where I found my parents in the kitchen for the time since the accident, whispering amongst themselves. They looked up when they saw me and grimaced. I stopped where I was. I opened my mouth and said, "Mom,dad...We need to talk..."

[A/N] This is NOT the end of Being Gorgeous!!!!! anyways Omg! guys I was just reading the It Girl series! oh gosh! they are AWESOME!!!! (BTW this is not a series on wattpad, their actual published books) and I'm currently reading the last book called Classic! and its addicting, so dramatic filled! you guys deff. should read them!:D in case you guys didn't know I am a BIG book nerd! I literally read ALL the time lol:) any who this book is wrapping up and it only has about a couple more chapters left! please don't be sad! it was good while it lasted:) and I was wondering if anybody would like to make me a book cover for Being The Player when it does come out after I'm done with BG!???? so yeah just send me a private message if your interested!! Comment. Vote. Fan:) Love, Stephanie<3