Against All Odds

Chapter 21

KILLIAN

"Stels?" I couldn't dispel the edge of concern in my voice. She was so stiff and unerringly unmoving; I could hardly hear her breathing. There were only shadows surrounding us, intermittently falling across us as the dim moonlight filtered through the wooden slats that covered the windows, and I couldn't make out her face clearly, even as she was tucked against my chest. "What's the matter?"

"Nothing."

I didn't buy it- her voice was a squeak, the word emerging so suddenly I knew it was a lie. I stroked her shoulder, her arm, trailing my fingers over the curve of her side. "I know something's bothering you. What's on your mind?"

A sigh left her, the sound vexed and bothered and somewhat stuttering. She shifted away from under my chin, adjusting her position so that she scooted up a bit. Her face was close to mine, so I could just make out the glistening of her eyes as she found my gaze. "It was easier when you hated me," she admitted.

"I didn't hate you." Which was the truth- I don't think I could have ever hated her. Felt lost without her, and hurt, yes. But hate? Looking at her now with her crestfallen eyes and dark, wet hair draped over my arms and pillows... I don't think I could ever truly hate her. No matter what she did to me, back then and even now.

"Well, you didn't like me at least," she muttered. "And that was easier to deal with. I knew where I stood and it was easier to predict how I should proceed. This... this is hard. Kills, what are we doing?"

I considered the question a moment, relishing the feel of her against me and in my arms. Her fingers twitched against my skin, resting on my abdomen and making my muscles clench and cock harden at her innocent touch- but that had been a losing battle the entire day anyway. "Good question," I murmured. "Right now, I'd say we are cuddling."

Her expression turned unamused- even in the dark I could make out the flash of annoyance flickering through her gaze. "Har har. Can you be serious please?"

"Gasp. Stella Huxley wants to be serious?"

"Stop it. Stop being cute. It's not helping."

Unable to help myself, I dropped a kiss to her lips. Even though the contact was brief, her indrawn gasp of surprise and quick softening of her lips beneath mine only sent my libido into overdrive. I withdrew quickly, the temptation to turn her onto her back and cover her body with mine almost too overwhelming to resist.

"To answer your question seriously," I told her, settling back onto my pillow which Stella was slowly colonising, "I think we are just enjoying being together. Though I am speaking for myself, personally."

She made a muffled snort of a sound and her hand trailed an almost reverent caress up my ribs to settle against my flank. Goosebumps erupted over my skin at the touch. "This is intimate," she said. "This is... involved. Too much involved for two people who don't even know what this is yet."

"Huh, is that what you think?"

"Yes." She blinked a few times as she steadied herself with a deep breath. "What do you want, Killian?"

"That's the million-dollar question, isn't it?"

"Do you have an answer, or not?"

Unlike her, this line of questioning- or the line of thought- didn't bother me as it did her. I had answers for her, answers that reflected every burgeoning desire of my soul, but I wouldn't let her have them. Not yet. She needed her own first before she heard mine, and I wouldn't be the one to sway her one way or the other.

Stella had to make her own decisions about us and if I had any place in her future. I wasn't about to repeat the mistakes of my past, and because of her innate tenacious nature, she wouldn't be susceptible to any other way, even if she hardly knew it herself. So I smiled at her softly, stroked my fingers down the curve of her spine, became momentarily distracted by the possessive flare of desire that erupted in me at the knowledge she had chosen to wear one of my shirts, and told her, "How about this? We think on the situation of 'us' for one more day and one more day only. The day of the wedding, we both come to a decision and lay out all the cards between us. No more red tape, no more blurred lines- just what you and I both want. Then it's done."