Vanya

It means freedom

Throughout my entire life, my father considered me a burden, a disgrace he would never get himself out of, a disappointment, and the end of a long lasting dream of having an heir with his blood. You see, to my father's absolute horror, my mother died giving birth to me, and he, for some odd reason, never remarried, leaving him with no heir, but a useless daughter.

He goes around whining about how he never got his successor like his great father did, and i get constantly blamed for his own poor choices. Was i the one who chose not to remarry? Was i the idiot who believed in love? Or the helpless old man who just now started to realize how big of a mistake he made by raising me to be next king? I wasn't the one doing all of this foolishness, and it wasn't i, who decided it was best to cling to some false hope that one day, said daughter was going to be the obedient queen and get married off only to sit in a pretty dungeon and wait patiently and pathetically for her life to move way past her, with her not being able to do anything about it. I was certainly not that kind of woman, and i'll never be.

Father needs to make his peace with who i am, with who he created. I knock on his door, then slowly open it, only to see him struggling on his bed trying to sit up straight in greetings, how utterly sweet.

"I'm afraid your father is getting old, dear." He said between some struggling breaths, Who is he calling dear? Certainly not me. Must be the illness talking.

"I see your illness is getting the best of you. You called for me, is there anything you need, king?"

"Can't I talk to my own daughter on my deathbed?" There it is, the exaggeration, the guilting, the manipulation. How familiar, how extremely predictable.

"You most certainly can, what is the matter? I am all ears."

His eyes lit up in the strangest of ways, and his lips were hanging unsure between a smile and a deep scowl, his eyebrows were lifted and he pushed his body to sit upright for the very first time tonight. "Vanya, me and your mother picked that name for you because it meant a butterfly, because we wanted you to have a free life, a life in which you can grow and explore all the fine things that our brief existence offers. I tried to keep that wish alive for as long as i could, but it must change now, for your own safety, for your sanity and for mine, i beg of you to stop this 'king' charade, you are not just the daughter of the king anymore, you are a woman of age! a woman who has to bear all of her father's fortunes, a woman resented and watched by many, you need to stop this madness at once! I am terrified for you!" He gets too emotional, almost losing his breath, he did look quite terrified, but was that ever my fault?

"You don't carry a name for just a quarter of your life, father, you carry it to your grave. You should know better than to try and scare me off the throne like that, you made me love it, you made me dedicate my life to it, you, and nobody else but you."

"And i take the blame for it! But i will not take the unbearable burden of losing you to it! I did not want to have to do this, but you leave me with no choice. So what would it be, daughter? Roman, or the darkest dungeon?" Yes, my father did mention wanting to marry me off to this James Roman guy, and i said no merely to spite him, and because i take James for a complete incompetent cocky fool. But if this is how he wants to play it, if this is how Roman wants it, they certainly will get what they wished for, and much, much more.

"Yes, father. You can, once again, force me to be your warrior and saving grace. It shouldn't be much longer until you forget your own name, anyway. You are getting old and that throne never looked so close." I stated, and he smiled, choosing to ignore any subtle threat i have ever thrown his way, thinking i only say it because i am a woman and therefore emotional and unaware of what i say or do, or worse, incapable of following through with what i say i'll do. I think We will both see about that one day.

"He and his father, the king of Elrodia, will visit tomorrow, and we will see to it that both our families are united, we need their strong name, and they need our assets. It is a winning deal, my darling." He reassures, and i inwardly flinch at the upsetting endearment in his words.

"Whatever you say, your majesty. Anything else you need to force me to do?" He laughs dryly and dismisses me with a wave, which is my long awaited cue to leave this pitiful man. I think i do see now that you really lose your sanity and your sense of self once you give your heart to another mortal being like yourself. My father is the reason I don't believe in love, or in god.

***

"It is really late, my queen, you should get up before the king gets upset again, you know what happened the last time you left him waiting for so long." My loving and caring maid, Heather, said with concerns evident on her face. I wanted to protest, in the smallest of ways, but she was right, I couldn't let it get as bad as the last time. The maids did not deserve my father's cruel wrath.

"I'm up, please prepare my bath for me, i will be out in a minute." I heard her hurried footsteps and understood how utterly terrified the poor girl must have been, i did not think i was that late.

"Do you think he will get scared and call it off, Heather? I truly think he is an enough coward to do so" I asked her as soon as the warm water was hugging my body in the most perfect way possible, and i heard her mumble something about it not being her place to say.

"Oh, come on, you know I trust your intuition, i need to know." She looked at me while throwing some more nice smelling flowers all over the water, her eyes were focused as she gulped, hard. "I'm afraid This is your destiny, your highness.He is your one." My one? What could that possibly mean?

"This conversation is not over." I tell her while getting out of my bath and drying myself, I turned around to look at her one last time and her strange words were echoing in my mind. My one...

"I see you have finally decided to show yourself, your highness." He said, ever so quietly, looking as put together as ever, as annoying as ever. Nobody made my insides shiver with disgust and hatred like he did, truly, he was the one i hated most, and is soon to be my husband. Funny how this game of destiny unfolds...

"James. Unfortunate to see you alive and well. I thought the last war might take you out."

"And risk losing the everlasting pleasures of seeing you lose control right in front of me to me? Never." He whispered, and I almost didn't catch it, almost. James Theodore Roman, you are a dead man.