Vanya

A tale of a grieving heart: a game of pain

Roman's POV

I opened my eyes to find my hand reaching for the other side of my bed, thinking she'd be sleeping there... only to be met with the agonizing reality of her despising me, and of what I did to her the night before because I felt as though she would prefer the company of any man on this earth who is not me. All of this pained me, and made it all the more difficult to get up and face her again. I did not have it in me to look her in the eye and pretend that her absence meant nothing, that her presence would mean nothing, that my chest did not hurt every time she looked at me with those accusing eyes of hers...

Three calm knocks interrupted my agony and I knew exactly who it was behind that door. It was time to get up and respond to my duties, the first is being a king to my people, then a husband. I had to stop putting her comfort first. I had a kingdom to care for, I had promised my people I would not be another waste of a king.

"Yes, Alfred, Come in."

"Your majesty. Shall I begin?" He bowed his head for a moment in respect, and I felt as though I was out of place... Alfred was the father I actually respected, the one I looked up to growing up, the one who would care for my battle wounds, the one who would give me precious gifts before I went to sleep if he ever hears i have won a battle, the one who would smile only to me...now smiles to none. Now he is treating me very differently, and it makes my world all the more unbearable, sometimes.

"Alfred, you know I can do this myself, why do you repeat yourself every morning? Knowing what my answer would be?" I snapped. I did not mean to sound harsh or disrespectful, I was simply in pain, but I suppose he would not understand, I took over the kingdom, but I had lost my real father in return. I pray to the heavens every day that it is a worthy bargain.

"I understand, your majesty. My apologies, I merely try to do my best to help." He sounded different, his words timid and his eyes seemed to not dare meet mine any longer, I wanted him to look me in the eyes and call me 'young man' again, to give me some form of advice, or a simple pat on my shoulder. I understand that everything is different now, yet this understanding did not make it any easier on my grieving heart.

"Do not apologize, you've done nothing but be there for me in times of need, do not think that I forget about the hands that helped me back when I was no king, me carrying a crown around does not change who I am, Alfred." I tried to open my heart to him, hoping he would listen to my pleas. He nodded and I swear I could see the shadow of a smile, and had he not bowed his head down, I would have been able to fully see that warm smile of his.

"May the heavens bless your crown, your majesty." He said, before closing the door behind him and waiting for me outside as he usually does in case I ever needed anything. Amen to that, my good father Alfred.

After a while, I was ready to face the world, more importantly, I was ready to face her.

"Alfred, please call for the queen, I wish to discuss important matters with her, have her come to the study."

"But- your majesty, you have not eaten yet! I assume her majesty has not yet either, this is highly inappropriate, her majesty is a highly respected lady!" Hesitantly, he carefully worded his concerns, and I knew he would not approve if I proceeded with what I intended to do. So, a meal first... it is what it is. Funny enough, I knew Vanya was no lady, but I knew Alfred would be horrified if I acted as though she was any different than a 'highly respected lady' in our society.

"All right then, call for her to have a meal with me first, is that appropriate enough for you?" He gave me a disappointed look, then firmly nodded.

"Most certainly, your majesty." He then headed towards her wing, and I headed to the dining room.

Already met with the most exquisite food and servers, I sat down at the head of the table waiting patiently for her. I did not know how she would treat me after the night before, yet I was anticipating, nay, hoping for the usual stone cold attitude. On any other occasion, I would have enjoyed every bit of her attitude, just not this time... maybe it is because I was in the wrong this time and I knew it. I was indeed her villain now.

"They did not tell me you would be here. Apologies." She said, my heart trembled at the sound of her, yet what caught my attention was he apologizing, unprovoked, what on earth has happened? Did I damage things between us this much? Fuck!

"Apologies for what, exactly? A queen must dine with her king, or have you forgotten who you are?" I tried... she did not entertain my question, or anything I said or did for that matter. She was furious with me, rightfully so, and I did not know how to properly apologize to her, I have never done it before...

"You mentioned you wished to discuss my duties today? Because I as well think we should discuss everything, down to the last detail, so that we do not face any incident in the future." I knew what 'incident' she meant, and it made my appetite vanish.

"Indeed. We shall discuss everything in my study, I will be waiting for you." I threw the handkerchief on my plate and got up immediately. I wanted this thing over with so I could focus on other things that might help my yearning heart a bit. I wanted to be far away from her, far enough for me to mend myself, to rid my soul of this agonizing fascination I had for her.

I did not look back, and she seemed to not mind my abrupt leave. That hurt a bit, too.

After some time of me pacing around in my study, i finally heard three familiar knocks on my door, so I headed to open it in haste.

"Your majesty." She bowed her head, then asked for permission to come in. I did not know how to react to this new facade of the perfectly respectful queen. It vexed me to the point of wanting to pick an argument just to see a real reaction from her. Yet I knew better, I understood exactly what she was trying to do.

"Your highness." I said back, bowing my head to her as well, and stepping away to allow her to come in. Two could play this game, wife.

"So, what am I supposed to do as your queen, how must I please your blessed self?" She said. Masking her sarcasm beautifully. I knew she did not believe I was blessed in any way, yet it did not stop my naive self from the tingling pleasure that ran all over my body, the effect she had on me was devastating to me.

"Balls must not be held until I announce that it is all right to throw one, anything that is out of the ordinary in this palace must directly be reported to me, the flow of everything that goes on in here is dependent on you, so you must coordinate everything with the utmost accuracy and caution. Any political affairs must not be discussed unless I am present. Is it all clear, your highness?"

"Perfectly." She spit out that word as if it burned her whole being to agree with any of this. I knew it hurt her, but I was hurting ever since I saw her, and I wanted her to experience even a fraction of the agony that I faced for so long because of her and of my naivety towards her. This was nothing but a game of pain, and we both were willing to play.

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Apologies for the long delay of this chapter! I was writing and adding stuff for a few days because this is a sort of transitional chapter between the old 'chaotic' relationship of these two and the new 'era' of growth between them :) hopefully I will be able to upload more chapters easily now that this one is over! Thank you so much for reading.

Hope it was a fun read! (This particular chapter certainly was not fun to write, it was really frustrating for me haha)