Classified x Human reader

Exterminators

Private watches the exterminators chase the deformed penguins, "Oh, dear. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. What do I do? What do I do?" The door slams shut, "Crikey!" He turns around to see some octopi behind him and the North Wind, "Come on, then. You wanna go? You want some argy-bargy? AAAAHHH!!!" Private courageously charges at the octopi like a warrior, much to their surprise.

Private turns to a corner with Short Fuse and Eva. The octopi glance around, not seeing them. Suddenly, Private and Short Fuse cheer, riding the ray towards the door, ramming into the thugs, "Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Yee-haw! Ow." The machine bursts out of the sub and crashes against a tree.

Dr. Octavius Brine grabs a deformed penguin, "Uh-oh. Missed one. What a wonderful day in the park." He passes a trashcan, not noticing Private popping out with a donut strapped offer his eye. Short Fuse waits by the Medusa Ray and Eva quickly types on her watch, alerting Y/N that the ray was out of the sub.

Private spots Skipper, and starts chasing him, "Skipper! Wait! Hold on! What are you doing?! Skipper!" Private gasps as Skipper swallows a cat, "Don't eat that! Skipper, listen. It's me, Private. I've got a plan, but I need your help. I need my Skipper." The penguin waddles up to Skipper, removing his disguise.

Skipper seemed to stare at the penguin before realization hit, "Private?"

"Yes. That's it."

"Private, you're alive! Oh, God!" Skipper hugs Private before barfing up the cat. They ran off to find Kowalski and Rico. Skipper spots Kowalski, "Kowalski! You've got to get a grip!"

Private makes his way to him, "Kowalski, Eva is worried about you."

Kowalski snaps out of his trance, "She is? What did she say? Did she say my name specifically? I mean, were there... were there tears? Details, come on, tell me!" Kowalski picks up Private, then smiles, "Private! You're alive. Come here. This feels a little awkward, but I'm happy." He hugs Private tightly.

"Rico! You need to listen to us." Skipper yells at Rico. The penguin burps up flames, "I guess you're kind of the same either way."

Rico hugs Private, "Private!"

Skipper notices an exterminator coming their way, "Heads up! Looks like we're back in business, boys. And our business is saving penguin-kind. Who's with me?"

The others cheered in agreement, "Now, all we need is a plan." Skipper replies.

Private turns to Skipper, "I've got one." He runs off, leaving Skipper confused, "Eh? Uh, huh?"

Private goes over to the ray and takes the Medusa Serum out.

"You stole Dave's ray?"

"Well, I figured if we could reverse the ray, we could turn everyone back to normal." Private answers tossing the remote to Skipper. Short Fuse and Eva joined Private's side.

Short Fuse frowns, "Reverse the ray?"

Kowalski grins, "That's brilliant! But... it's impossible! In order to reverse the ray, we would need to replace the Medusa Serum with a power source of almost immeasurable cuteness!"

"Immeasurable cuteness? Where the heck are we supposed to get that?" Skipper asks, then notices Private enter the machine and attaches himself. "No, wait. Private, no! We don't know what that will do to you! Ah!" Skipper accidentally drops the remote, firing at a penguin turning him back to normal, "All right!"

Kowalski cheers, "The ray! It works! It WORKS!"

"Private, are you okay?" Eva asks.

"Yes!"

Skipper, Rico, and Kowalski gasp in surprise and notice that Private has sprouted a hand out of his buttocks.

Kowalski cringes, "Whoa! Butt-hand! There's a hand attached to his butt. That was not... that was not there before."

Private becomes shocked once realizing he has sprouted a butt-hand, which detaches him, but immediately gets used to it.

"Get out of there. That's an order!" Skipper calls out.

Private salutes, "Permission to defy order."

"Permission denied."

Private retorts back at Skipper, "Then I deny your denial."

"It's too risky, Private. It already made you sprout a butt hand!" Short Fuse yells.

"I know it has to be me this time." Private places his butt hand on the glass, "And I think you know it too."

Concerned about Private's sacrifice, Skipper places his flipper on the same place where Private placed his butt hand. They exchange smiles before Private reattaches himself to the ray using his butt hand.

"I'm the secret weapon!" Private tells them as they saluted him.