Snaked

Thinking

Luke's pov

Once Ave leaves the room, an awkward silence falls over the room. I start twisting one of my rings as I stare at the door. 

I think back to the time after we first performed with Julie when Reggie pulled her aside and then after a while she stormed home. I heard everything in that conversation. I didn't mean to eavesdrop but I was worried about her because when I first started following them I heard yelling and it isn't like Ave to yell.

"This! All the shit that's happened to us since we died! All the shit that's happened to you!" I remember hearing him yell at her. I didn't understand what he meant then but if I knew then what I know now, I would've called him out on it right then and there.

"You think I wanted this? You think I wanted to die in the first place, let alone be dying again? You clearly don't know me if you think I'd want that," I heard her respond. I remember feeling stuck. I didn't want to believe that what she was saying was true. However, I knew that she had been acting weird since we went on that walk but brushed it off as just adjusting to our new life. Before I realized I should probably leave because she'd get mad at me for eavesdropping, I heard the sound of flesh against flesh before the sound of something or someone getting pushing against the lockers. I was just about to see what happened before I heard Ave's voice again. "I hate myself everyday whether I'm dying again or not. I hate so much that I am how I am because that's what made me join this fucking band in the first place. I wanted an escape. I hated myself so much when we were alive that I wanted to die. I wanted everything to end and I thought it would fix everything. So you can hate me as much as you want, just know that the amount of hate you're feeling towards me right now, is only a small fraction of what I feel for myself on a daily basis." I didn't know what to say or what to think.

I feel my mind start to spiral and I want to stop it but I can't. I can't help thinking I had a hand in making her feel that way. What if that's why she doesn't want to leave? Because she's going to-

"Luke!" I hear someone yell my name, making blink before jumping when I see Alex's face right in front of mine.

"What? What happened?" I ask, standing up and looking around the room which is which empty except for Alex, Julie, and I, but Amanda has left.

"You zoned out and none of us could get your attention," Julie says, who was now standing up.

"Oh, sorry," I say as I push past Alex and walk into the bathroom. I run my hands under cold water and sigh once I start to feel things in my hands again.

"You okay, dude?" Alex asks as he walks into the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

I nod as I dry my hand off before wiping the sweat off of my forehead. "Just thinking," I say, leaning against the counter as I cross my arms. "What happened to you?" I asks, trying to move the conversation away from me and to the giant bruise on his cheek.

"Doesn't matter. Do you wanna talk about it?" He asks, leaning against the wall across from me as he copies my stance.

I weigh the pros and cons in my head but also know Ave probably told him after she told me. "Caleb's letting her go," I say as I shrug and smile sadly.

"That's amazing!" He says, his face brightens up immediately. "Why do you look so sad?"

"He's only letting her go if one of us stays behind," I say, my sad smile disappearing almost immediately. 

Alex freezes and his face drops. "What?" He asks, his voice breaking.

"You didn't know?" I ask, leaning forward with wide eyes. He shakes his head in response and I immediately feel bad for being the one to break it to him. He just stares at me and I watch as he rubs his eyes, rubbing away tears. "Go talk to Ave, she was the one that told me," I say as he runs through the room and out into the hall. I walk into the bedroom again and see that Julie is still standing in the middle of the room. "You need to sleep," I say to her as I walk over to Ave's dresser to see if there's a t-shirt or something Julie could sleep in.

"I can't," she says softly and I turn around to look at her and see she has her arms crossed and she's looking down at her feet.

"Have you tried?" I ask, laughing softly as I grab a shirt and walk over to her.

She looks up at me and I can see the bags under her eyes. "No," she says, making me shake my head.

"Here, you can put this on, I'm sure Ave won't mind," I say, handing her the shirt.

"What are you going to sleep in?" 

"I'll see if Willie has anything I can borrow," I say before walking past her.

Once I'm halfway down the stairs, I stop when I see Ave and Alex hugging. I pay close attention to Ave, watching as her back rises and falls quickly before she looks up and I know she saw me because she wipes her cheeks and pushes away from Alex.

I walk down the rest of the stairs and place a hand on Alex's shoulder when I reach them. "How you two doing?"

They both shrug as Ave smiles tightly and sadly. "Good enough," Ave says, moving over to me and hugging me from the side. I look up at Alex, confused because I don't know what happened after she left. Alex just shakes his head, telling me not to worry about it.

"Ready for bed?" I ask, Ave as she nods her head. "You coming too?" I ask Alex and he shakes his head again.

"I'll see if I can crash with willie or Julie, that way you guys get a room to yourself," he says before patting me on the shoulder and walking back to where Willie is watching us.

I wrap my arm around Ave's shoulder and lead her back to the room the boys and I were staying in a few nights ago since Flynn and Reg got a different room. I close the door behind Ave and I before walking over to the bag I brought and shuffle through the bag before grabbing a shirt, throwing it on the bed. After I change my shirt, I look over to Ave and see her still standing at the door, staring at something.

"Hey, you okay?" I ask, walking in front of her and placing a hand on her arm.

She looks up at me quickly. "Yeah, sorry," she says with no emotion in her voice.

"It's okay," I say, smiling down at her. "You have to be sorry for zoning out, y'know," I say, rubbing my hand up and down her arm.

"I know, just habit," she says, shrugging before she walks past me and changes into one of the shirts I brought.

I frown before getting into bed and folding the covers on top of myself. She follows and moves over to me, resting her head on my chest as she also puts an arm across my stomach, practically hugging me. I put one hand on top of hers as I start drawing circles on her waist with my finger.

"We're gonna find a way out of this, you know," I say, looking up at the ceiling.

"I don't care anymore. I'm done," she says quietly but I can still hear her voice break. "I'm really sorry that I dragged you into this," she says, looking up at me with tears in her eyes.

"Don't. Don't do this to yourself," I say as I move my hand that was holding her hand up to her cheek and move my thumb back and forth. "None of this is your fault, Ave. None of it," I say, staring at her sternly so she knows I'm not lying. "We chose to come and get you, you didn't drag us into anything." She stares at me before nodding and placing her head back on my chest. 

It wasn't long until she was asleep but even though I can't remember the last time I slept, I can seem to fall asleep. I need to make sure she's okay, I need to make sure she doesn't disappear again.